Be My Friend
by LittletonPace
Summary: *OC Centric* Elliot's marriage is on the rocks again, so he turns to Katie Summers, a receptionist and desk clerk who works at the precinct. Set: Season 5 onwards.
1. Chapter 1: In Which We Meet

**A/N – not sure what this is really :P Based around an idea I'd had for awhile, about Elliot having an affair while he was separated from his wife. And that kinda developed into another OC, Katie Summers. This one probably won't be as long as my others; but it will be quite raunchy :P BE WARNED! Explicit scenes/language to follow in upcoming chapters!**

**1;**

Life without Kathy and the kids was a drastic change for Elliot. Now he just had his own apartment, two bedroom, which was cramped enough let alone when the kids came to visit. The twins shared the spare bedroom and Kathleen and Maureen curled up on the sofa. He'd find a better place eventually. The divorce was tough enough on them; but Elliot was determined to make it as easy on his children as possible. That was one thing he and Kathy could still agree on; their children's happiness was more important than any bitterness between them. They would share custody, of course, Kathy insisted on it. But as for reconciliation between the two of them? She had made it clear that as long as he worked with Special Victims; there was no chance for them. She thought him damaged; altered.

She was probably right.

He saw the worst of the worst when it came to criminals. Rapists, abusers, child molesters... Kathy had put up with it long enough; she was done.

As he did; Elliot suppressed his anger and threw himself into his work. In the past two months he'd spent more time at the office than at home. Probably because it didn't really feel like home anymore.

Kathy was dating; Kathleen had told him as much. And she had been for awhile now. Elliot was just too involved in work to even bother trying to find someone new. What was the point, anyway? There weren't a lot of women interested in a cop with an ex-wife and four kids.

Not a lot; but Elliot hoped there was at least one...

Her name was Katie Summers. She'd been working with SVU for a couple of years now and had developed a friendly rapport with most of the staff. She caught Elliot's eye the minute she walked in, and it wasn't her effortless beauty or her sandy blonde curls or even her sparkling blue eyes; it was her jeans. He didn't know why; but the night after he met her they were all he could think about. How the denim perfectly wrapped around her lithe, toned legs and thighs; like they were made for her. And every day she came into work; she wore a pair of those jeans and looked just as perfect in them each time. Elliot caught himself staring at her ass as she walked by, twitching in his seat as she'd smile at him.

They'd joke and flirt from time to time; but with Elliot's issues with Kathy it was yet to eventuate into anything. She'd often wander in as he was working out in the training room after his shift, pumping weights. He wasn't sure if she knew that he knew she was there, or if it was some silent agreement between them. He'd work out and she'd watch. And every night when he went back to his apartment, that image of Katie in her form fitting jeans was always on his mind.

**xxx**

Katie loved her job; as mundane as it was. She answered phones, filed files and got coffee or soda for victims and their family members. She supposed anyone could do her job; but she still liked it in spite of the lack of personal excitement; Katie was happy enough to feed off the energy that came through the precinct when someone caught a new case or there was a new psychotic freak on the loose. It was like she was given special privilege to watch; but not have the responsibility of actually doing something. That's what the detectives were for; and yet another reason why Katie admired them.

It had taken a month or so for Katie to get her bearings and settle into a comfortable routine, as well as decide where her greatest source of protection would lie; she found that in Detectives Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler. They were by far the most decorated SVU detectives in the precinct; it didn't take Katie long to make sure she was always their go-to girl for double checking evidence, gathering results from the lab and dealing with their paperwork. Katie just liked feeling as though she belonged, in whatever small a role, as part of the team.

Olivia; Katie just adored her. She was almost scarily beautiful; but so tough Katie knew within the first five seconds of meeting her she did not want to get on her wrong side. They never exactly 'hung out' or anything, but they were perfectly comfortable with each other and shared a laugh at someone else's expense at least twice a day, Katie would easily call Olivia a friend.

Elliot was a slightly different story.

Katie knew much better than to get involved with a cop, let alone one in the midst of a messy divorce, but she couldn't ignore her attraction to him. He was cute; in that angry, protective sort of way. He was the kind of guy who would beat up another man just for looking at his girl the wrong way; why Katie found that so attractive she wasn't sure. But she was. She found herself staring at his muscled arms when he'd flex them in anger after dealing with a particularly nasty criminal. He had a habit of rolling up his shirt sleeves so Katie didn't have to try too hard to check him out. He was older than her, she knew he had teenage kids, but that didn't deter her. He still caught her eye every morning when she came in, smiled and they'd talk. They were friends, too, but it was just... different. And she suspected he noticed it, too.

The week before, Katie had found herself alone with Elliot. She'd been working in late filing reports and was the last out of the office. As she was leaving, she noticed the single desk lamp on at Stabler's desk. Curious as to why he was still here, Katie wandered onto the floor sliding her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. "Hey," She said softly, "I thought you clocked out hours ago..."

"Yeah, I was supposed to..." Elliot sighed and leant forwards in his chair resting his arms against his desk, the weight of today's resident sicko still playing on his mind. "Just finishing up some stuff..."

Katie glanced at his empty desk. "Yeah, not buying it," She sat herself up on the edge of his table and noticed a sweet photo of his four children. "How are your kids doing?"

"Good," Elliot replied vaguely as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Great; actually."

"Good..." Kate nodded; brushed a flyaway curl behind her ear. "

As he tilted his head, Elliot's eyes caught Kate's leather boots and then travelled up her leg, up those perfect jeans... "Ah," Elliot cleared his throat as he got to his feet. "I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" He patted her bare shoulder, and quickly left.

Katie could feel his discomfort around her, especially lately, maybe she was weirding him out. She'd thought she was keeping her stares in check; but maybe not so much.

She dismissed this as her over-worked paranoia running on high, even if she was staring, it was harmless, really. Staring didn't hurt anyone.

Perhaps the reason Katie thought it so harmless was because she had Ben Harrison, her boyfriend of three months, waiting at home for her. He was a welcome distraction to those pesky Elliot thoughts. Her crush on Elliot, and she refused to see it as more, would disappear with time.

It was going on three years now... how much longer did she have to wait?

**xxx**


	2. Chapter 2: Sleepless Nights  Part 1

**2; Sleepless Nights - Part 1**

Sunday night dinner with her next door neighbour, Alexis, had become a highlight of Katie's week. In the three years the pair had known each other, they were now great friends and shared everything together. So, with Ben away for the weekend on a business trip, Katie and Alexis had been having a blast for almost the whole day.

"This wine is _gooood_, Katie." Alexis cooed as she poured a third glass of red for herself.

"I know, right?" Katie said, giggling contentedly with her second glass of wine in her hand. Both women could hold their alcohol very well, so they weren't drunk, just... merry. "I'll have to save the bottle, I never pick good red wine."

"Oh, did you read that book I lent you?" Alexis asked as Bono, Katie's older cat jumped up into the couch beside her, curling his completely black body around in a circle on the pillow at her side.

"I'm halfway through, I swear." Katie replied, scratching Bono's head. "You know how I feel about Agatha Christie."

"Yeah, yeah, hit-and-miss," Alexis said with a roll of her eyes. "But this one's good, right?"

Katie sighed. She was generally more interested in the Miss Marple novels, but she had to admit that whilst reading _Murder in Mesopotamia_, she was actually enjoying reading Hercule Poirot; unusual for her since most of the stories with him as the detective bored her. "Yes, alright, you win. It's good."

The tinkling doorbell echoed into the living room, alerting both women to look at their watches. It was after eleven o'clock at night. "Who the heck could that be?" Alexis wondered out loud. "Ben?"

"He has a key." Katie reminded her, setting her glass down and heading for the door. They had a doorman who worked until midnight at their building, after that you needed a key to be let in, but Donny, the doorman, wouldn't let anyone up that didn't have permission, or that he didn't know, like a family member, for example, which is why Katie's heart fluttered excitedly. It was her little sister, Bonnie. It had to be! The girl had been MIA for almost six months with only a couple of vague emails as communication; she'd been teasing. She was coming back to town as a surprise for Katie – yay!

Tip-toeing excitedly to the front door, Katie brushed her blonde hair from her eyes and peered through the keyhole. Yep, that was definitely the back of Bonnie's head, with an almost trademark streak of colour in it. Apparently she'd tired of the blue; and now it was bright red.

Giddy to hug her baby sister, Katie fumbled with the deadbolt lock and chain, but then managed to work it like a normal person and fling open the door. "Bonnie!" She cried happily.

But her smile disappeared the moment her sister turned around.

Bonnie's face was almost completely bruised. Her right eye was so swollen it couldn't stay open, and there was blood smeared across her cheeks and down her bare arms. Her formerly thin, lithe fingers were tattered with broken nails as she cradled what appeared to be a five month pregnant baby belly in her hands.

"Bonnie!" Katie cried, grabbing her sister in her arms.

"Ah!" Bonnie winced in pain, but welcomed her sister's hug.

"What happened to you?" Katie pulled back and gently inspected her sister's face. "Jesus, Bonnie, what happened to you?"

Bonnie's face just crumpled in agony and exhaustion, and she just burst into tears, falling heavily into her sisters arms and sobbing into her shoulder.

"It's ok, honey, its ok," Katie directed Bonnie inside the apartment, locking the door securely behind them.

"Who was it Katie – _ohmigod_!" Alexis dropped her wine glass when she saw Bonnie. "Bonnie?" She knew Katie's sister from the few visits she'd made in the years before. "Oh, Bonnie!"

"She's okay," Katie tried to keep her voice calm; she had to take control here. "Al, can you please get me whatever first aid stuff is in the bathroom?"

"Of course," Alexis quickly grabbed a cloth from the countertop and mopped up her mess, sweeping the glass shards into a corner for now. "I'll be right back."

Katie led a still-whimpering Bonnie to the couch and sat her down gently. She cleared the coffee table and sat down on it in front of her sister. "What happened, Bon?" She asked quietly, taking her sister's hands. "Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? You know you could have come to stay here." Tears welled in Katie's eyes as she carefully tucked a stray piece of hair behind her sister's ear.

"I...I didn't kn-know what to s-say." Bonnie said through snivelling sobs. "He doesn't do this, he's not like this," Her one good eye was focused on her sister, trying to show some confidence through her weak facade. "I wouldn't let him do this to me, you know that, Katie, you know me."

"I know, honey, I know," Katie said slowly, not bothering to argue with her sister right now; she needed to calm down.

"Here," Alexis arrived with an armful of bandages, peroxide and a bowl of clean water. "I'll finish cleaning up the mess I made..." She looked pitifully at Bonnie. "Should I call an ambul-"

"No!" Bonnie suddenly hollered. "No! Don't call anyone! No one! I don't want people to know!"

"Okay, okay," Katie kept her sister from jumping up to her feet. "Okay, we won't call anyone just yet..."

Silently, Alexis left the sister's alone and went back to the kitchen.

"Bonnie..." Katie took a piece of gauze and dunked it in the water. "You have to tell me what happened." She carefully started wiping her sister's face, realizing there was a lot more dry blood then she'd previously thought. There was also dirt and soot, like she'd crawled out of a fireplace.

"I can't, Katie," Bonnie sniffled, grimacing as the cool cloth pressed against her bruised eye.

"Listen... you know where I work, right? Special Victims. They can help you so much, honey, just let me call them."

Bonnie shook her head. "No! Katie, I don't want people to know!"

"Not people! Just two, I promise. Two friends of mine, okay? They'll come here and talk to you; so you don't have to go anywhere, alright?" Katie shuffled forwards and squeezed her sisters knees. "Come on, Bon, you obviously came here for my help. So let me help you."

Bonnie started to say no, but the worry in her big sister's eyes made her re-think her answer. She did want help; and she desperately needed it. "Okay." She agreed in a whisper.

**xxx**

After assuring Alexis that Bonnie was fine, and that she would update her as soon as she could, Katie sent her friend home and waited by the front door. Bonnie was curled up on the couch under a blanket. Katie had tried to get her to talk some more, but after agreeing to let Katie call help; she shut down and said nothing else.

A gentle knock on the door made Katie jump; she quickly unlocked the door and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Olivia and Elliot standing in the hall. "Hi, guys, thanks so much for coming." She stood aside and let them through.

"Where is she?" Olivia asked quietly.

"In the living room on the couch. She's not speaking to me anymore, she won't tell me what happened, just that some guy did this to her, and that he wasn't normally like that." Katie knew she was speaking quickly, but the weight of the situation was starting to sink in. Her sister had been beaten bloody, was pregnant, and had travelled God knew how far to get to Katie; why hadn't she called? Katie would have driven night and day to go and pick her up.

"It's okay, Katie," Elliot put his hand on her back as Olivia ventured further into the apartment.

"It is _not_ okay, Elliot," Katie said, heading after Olivia, but Elliot pulled her back. "What?"

"Let Liv talk to her alone for a minute," Elliot said gently. "She knows what she's doing; you know that. It's why you called us, right?"

Katie took a few deep breaths, holding her hand to her chest, glad Elliot's hand was still on her back because she felt like she might faint. "Yes, thank you. I didn't drag you away from anything did I?"

"Nope, I was finishing up paperwork at the precinct."

"And Olivia?"

"Well... she was on a date." Elliot smirked. "I'm sure you can make it up to her."

Katie appreciated his attempt at dry humour to cheer her up, but it didn't help, and she was sure the smile she gave him came across as some sort of wonky frown.

"Come on, let's go sit down," Elliot led her into the dining room, pulled out a chair for her and guided her into it. "So she didn't give you any indication that she was coming back into town?"

Katie dropped her head into her hand. "No," She said. "She was still in Pennsylvania by her last email; after she graduated at Penn State she was so in love with the place she just stayed.

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"Christmas." Katie answered. "She stayed here for New Years, too. And she didn't mention any boyfriend."

"Would she?"

Katie shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno... maybe... maybe not. Not if she didn't think I would approve... but Elliot, I know my sister, she would never let a guy hit her. _Never_." She kept thinking of Bonnie's bruises, all that blood; the pain she must have been in. "She's my baby sister," Katie muttered in a teary voice. "How could I let this happen to her?"

"Stop it; don't start that," Elliot said firmly. "You know this has nothing to do with you, alright? She came to you for help; and you're helping her. You've done everything right." He reached out and rubbed her shoulder. "Alright?"

Katie sighed and let her hand rest on top of Elliot's, thankful for his compassion. "Alright." She nodded.

"Is there anyone else who needs to know? Your mum?"

"No, no... she'd be asleep now, and she wouldn't be able to come to Bonnie right away which is what she'd want to do, it'd just make her crazy," Katie shook her head. "No, no, I'll call her when things are..." She searched for the right word, but Elliot didn't ask for one, he just squeezed her hand more tightly.

**xxx**

Katie managed to convince her sister to go to the hospital, the worry that her baby may be injured being the push Bonnie needed to get her head into gear, so Elliot drove the sister's and Olivia to the hospital rather than call an ambulance.

When Katie was busy with Bonnie and the doctor in one of the exam rooms, Elliot pulled his partner aside, now being the first chance he'd had to find out what Bonnie had told Olivia. "How is she?"

"Scared." Olivia replied. "Confused... she's concerned for her baby, though, so she's got her priorities in order."

"Yeah, and she came to Katie for help, but she said she came from Pennsylvania, out of our district."

"Well, maybe we'll get lucky and he beat her up here." Olivia said flatly, it went without saying that the luck would be that they could prosecute the bastard on their own terms, not wait for someone in another state to do it. "I'm gonna check with the doctors, make sure they do a tox screen." She stuffed her hands into her pockets and strode to the nurse's station.

Elliot cast his eyes down the hall to Katie; she was worriedly pacing in front of her sister, chewing on her thumbnail, she didn't seem to notice him watching her. She was wearing jeans, again, but Elliot's mind didn't wander into those seductive thoughts that they normally did when he thought of Katie, instead he was just concerned for her. When Kathleen had been picked up for a DUI; Elliot had been petrified and his daughter had been fine. Hung-over, but fine. He couldn't imagine what he'd be like if something like what had happened to Bonnie, happened to one of his children.

Katie suddenly came out of the exam room, looking annoyed and worried at the same time. She sank into one of the plastic chairs just outside the room and let her head hang between her knees.

Elliot went right towards her. "Katie, what happened?" He asked as he sat beside her.

"The doctor told me to leave." Katie mumbled angrily. "My own sister; and she tells me to wait outside? The nerve of these people."

"They're just doing their jobs," Elliot said reasonably. "Did they give you any news?"

"The baby's kicking, so that's good," Katie said, inhaling a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "But they think her eye socket's broken, maybe her jaw and at least two of her fingers. And that's just on the surface..." Katie lifted her head and rested it back against the wall, cursing that stupid doctor who had pulled the curtain around Bonnie's bed so now she couldn't even see her sister.

"Everything'll be okay." Elliot patted Katie's knee, but his hand settled there and he didn't move it. "She's gonna get through this."

Katie sniffled and exhaled loudly. "Oh... I'm going to be an Aunt... why wouldn't she tell me that?" She let out a dry laugh. "She knows how much I love kids..."

"Well, you can talk to her about it when she's feeling better." Elliot reasoned. "You just have to keep calm, be strong for her."

Katie smiled half-heartedly at him, and set her hand on top of his again, letting their fingers intertwine. He was asking her to do something she'd been doing her whole life; be strong for Bonnie.

**xxx**


	3. Chapter 3: Sleepless Nights Part 2

**3; Sleepless Nights - Part 2  
**

It took Bonnie an hour to convince her sister to go home; to get some rest. Katie was very resistant to leave her little sister alone, even after the doctor's said she would be released in a few days and there was no life-threatening damage; Katie still didn't want her to be alone.

"You need to get some sleep," Bonnie said, rubbing her sister's hand in between both of her own. "And you can't sleep here."

"Bon, I can't let you stay here alone, I can't." Katie reached out and tucked a stray flyaway brown hair from her sister's eyes.

"You have to stop worrying."

"I'm your big sister," Katie said firmly. "It's my job to worry."

"You didn't call mum, did you?"

"No," Katie sighed. "But we should; at least to tell her she's gonna be a grandmother."

Bonnie smiled and patted her stomach. "Yeah, you're right... maybe... maybe after I'm better."

Katie chewed her bottom lip and nodded, it was her sister's decision, all she could do was support her. "Okay, whatever you want."

"I want you to go home." Bonnie said. "Really, they gave me this stuff," She shook her hand that had her IV attached to it. "And it's gonna knock me out for like eight hours, so you may as well get some sleep, too."

Katie suddenly grew tearful again. "I don't want to leave you." She muttered.

"Kate. I love you. And I need you. I need you to go home and get some sleep so you can be refreshed enough to take care of me."

Katie smirked, and finally relented. "Fine, I'll go." She leant in and pecked kisses across her sister's unbruised cheek. "But I'll be back first thing in the morning."

"Sounds good."

Katie clung to Bonnie's hand as she backed away, only letting go when she was too far away to hold on anymore. "You call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay, but like I said, I'll be sleeping," Bonnie smiled, even though it hurt her face to do so, she wanted her sister to go and get some rest.

"Bye, honey," Katie pressed a kiss to her middle and forefinger and blew it to her sister before finally exiting the room.

She took three or four steps down the hall, swung right into an empty corridor and leant back against the cold, too-white wall. Now alone, she let her fear and worry come to a head and let herself burst into tears. She hadn't expected to cry so hard, it caught her by surprise, and she found herself slinking to the floor, sobbing into her hands resting against her knees. A strange feeling ran through her that made her feel like she might never stop crying.

With a loud sniffle, she raised her head and through her bleary eyes saw Elliot kneeling before her. "Elliot!" She coughed loudly and wiped her eyes. "You're still here?"

"Yeah; I told Olivia I'd wait for you, make sure you got home." He said, smiling kindly. "How's Bonnie doin?"

"Putting on a brave face," Katie shook her head and exhaled loudly. "Oh, I just wish this hadn't happened. I should have kept in touch with her, made sure she stayed in the city... something."

"I'm not gonna spend the rest of the night telling you this isn't your fault," Elliot stood up and lowered his hands down to her. "Come on, it's late."

Begrudgingly, Katie took his hands and let him pull her to her feet. "Thank you, Elliot, for everything."

"It's my job."

Katie let out a short laugh as the pair headed for the elevator. "No, it's not."

"Ok, maybe not." Elliot smirked at her. "But we're friends, right?"

"Yeah, we are." Katie was busy fishing a tissue from her pocket to wipe her eyes.

"Did you call your mother?" Elliot asked as they exited on the ground floor and headed for the exit. "Or your boyfriend, ah, Ben, right?"

"Yeah, Ben," Katie suddenly remembered. "God, no, I didn't call him. I-I was just so worried about Bonnie," She checked her watch. "I dunno what time it is in Washington..."

"They're about three hours ahead." Elliot said. "So it'd be early morning there."

Katie sighed. "He has early meetings, and he's been going on about them for months, how important they are, he's on the cusp of getting this brilliant contract in DC building a range of apartment blocks," She shook her head as they walked out the hospital front door, tugging her jacket around her shoulders in the cool breeze. "No, if I call him, he'll come right home. He needs to stay there." She nodded resolutely.

"Come on," Elliot's car was right out the front, he opened the passenger's door for her. "I'll get you home."

**xxx**

The doorman, Donny, was off for the night, it _was_ almost five AM, so Katie used her key to get through the main entrance. Elliot came with her, wanting to make sure she got to her apartment alright, saying he was afraid she might collapse or something.

"I'm fine, see?" Katie said with a grin as she opened the front door to her apartment. Something crunched underneath her foot; it was a letter. "It's from Alexis – my neighbour." She said, moving aside so Elliot could come in. It was a sweet letter; just telling her that she'd cleaned up the place for her and to call when she'd had some sleep. Smiling, Katie locked the door and left the note in the bowl by the door.

"Wow, I've never really seen how nice your place is," Elliot said as he looked around the living room. The sun was rising, casting a beautiful, orange glow through the apartment, giving everything a warm radiance.

"Yeah, I got lucky. It was my grandmother's. She left it to me and Bonnie, but Bonnie was all about Penn State so I took it quite happily." Now that she was home, Katie felt slightly calmer. She made a mental note to get something or do something for Alexis when Bonnie was feeling better; Al had cleaned up all the broken glass and blood smatterings on the carpet. Katie shrugged off her jacket and tossed it on the couch, joining Elliot at looking out at her view. "Like I said," She glanced at him. "I got lucky." He just smiled at her in return, and for the first time Katie noticed what he was wearing, or what he wasn't wearing. She was used to seeing him in work clothes; black slacks and a business shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a tie, his trench coat... right now he wasn't wearing any of that. He wore an NYPD t-shirt underneath a navy blue sweatshirt and well-worn jeans. "I'm so sorry; I must have gotten you out of bed!" Katie realized, suddenly feeling quite selfish.

"Don't worry about it," Elliot chuckled. "I was alone in a crappy apartment watching reruns; thank _you _for the distraction."

Katie nudged him with her hip. "Anytime." She smiled, noticing his eyes linger in hers for a moment. "Do you, ah, want a cup of coffee or some-" His kiss cut her off, and as much as she was surprised, she also wasn't surprised at all. His hands were gently cupping her cheeks as he pressed his lips against hers; Katie lifted her hands to his wrists, as if to push him away, but instead she just held him there, letting him kiss her.

Yes, it was wrong. He was married, in the midst of a painful separation, and she was in a relationship; a _happy_ one; she adored Ben, but kissing Elliot seemed like the right thing to do, despite how wrong it was. He was warm, but so strong and commanding; he lowered one hand to her hip and pulled her closer to his body, enveloping himself around her.

Her skin felt like he'd imagined it would; soft and inviting. His fingers ran from her cheek through her hair as he held her face in his palms. He could feel her hands at his waist; gently lifting his shirt and slipping up onto his skin, snaking around his back, pulling him harder against her.

Breaking the kiss for only a moment, Katie pushed Elliot's sweatshirt off of his shoulders. He was lifting the bottom of her shirt. Smiling, Katie held her arms up over her head and let him pull off her shirt; he then removed her NYPD tee and grabbed her behind the neck, pulling her mouth into a furious kiss. Katie ran her hands up and over Elliot's muscled shoulders, pressing her chest against him and standing up on her toes to kiss him more fully. Elliot took this as an invitation and plucked her up off the ground, slipping her legs up around his waist.

"Bedroom?" Elliot's breath was ragged, urgent, wanting.

"Behind you, end of the hall," Katie whispered, hooking her arms around his neck and kissing him passionately as he carried her to her bedroom, kicking the door closed behind him with his boot. Katie slid her hand down the front of Elliot's jeans, moaning in pleasure as she stroked him.

Elliot unhooked Katie's bra and laid her down on the bed, lying on top of her as he did so, and pulling her bra off of her shoulders. She took her hands from his pants and laid them above her head, letting Elliot run his fingers down her sternum, across her breasts and across her soft abdomen, settling at the button of her jeans. He removed them with ease, sliding her panties off in the same motion. She was just there; naked. Beautiful, waiting for him. Fire sizzled through Elliot's veins, making him quiver as he unzipped his jeans. Katie leaned up on her elbows and met him with a kiss as he lowered himself back down on top of her. He pressed her legs apart, her knees cinching at his waist, and moaned in pleasure as he pushed inside of her. She groaned and grabbed him tightly by his neck, holding him down, as she rocked her hips in time with him.

The difference between Ben and Elliot was tantamount to Katie in that moment, she'd never felt this passion, this heat, this absolute _need _for Ben to be inside her. She loved him, at least she assumed it was love, and he made her happy, and making love to him was always pleasurable. But with Elliot... perhaps it was the situation. Katie was emotionally exhausted from what happened with Bonnie, Elliot was lonely without his wife and children, and they both flirted at work, sharing smiles, peering at each other when each wasn't watching. It was almost as if this moment of them actually together was inevitable, perhaps that was why it was so easy. So easy not to think about Ben, or Elliot's wife, Kathy, or even work and how this would affect them.

Stifling a growl of satisfaction into Elliot's neck, Katie only felt excitement, and fulfillment. No guilt, no anger, no worry; just pleasure, with no care of how this would change her whole world in the morning.

**xxx**


	4. Chapter 4: The Morning After Last Night

**4; The Morning After Last Night**

It was late morning after the night with Elliot that Katie woke up, not feeling guilty, but peaceful. The sun was shining across her face, keeping her warm even though her back was bared to the ceiling. Her blankets were tucked just above her hips and she was lying on her stomach, a pillow snuggled under her head. She knew Elliot wouldn't be beside her when she turned over; but she didn't mind. Stretching out across her bed, she smiled to herself, feeling a lovely, exciting shiver run across her skin as she exposed herself to the morning air. Her hand rested on the pillow beside her and something crumpled underneath her fingers. Another letter; but this one from Elliot:

_Hated to leave, big case, everyone called in.  
See you at work?  
Elliot._

Quickly, she grinned and folded it up, tucking it into a book at her bedside. Sitting up; her eyes fell on a picture beside the bed, a lovely picture taken at central park of herself and Ben, cuddling on a bench. They were both beaming, exuding content happiness. Suddenly worried, Katie took Elliot's note from her book and tore it to shreds, then slipped on her robe and took it to the garbage bin, putting it inside an old milk carton and then smashing it to the bottom of the bin.

Crap. She'd just cheated on Ben.

The reality of it hit her like crazy. She loved Ben, he was a complete sweetheart. And she'd just cheated on him, with Elliot, no less. Ben knew Elliot; he'd come to the precinct to take her to lunch, or come to take her home. They weren't 'friends', but they were friendly. The same with Katie and Elliot's wife, Kathy. She'd met her a few times; she was classically beautiful, but often looked quite tired and rundown the times Katie had seen her; but she had four kids under one roof, often on her own with the hours Elliot worked. His job was one of the reasons they'd separated.

Thinking of Kathy and those kids now made Katie feel like utter shit. She despised women like this; she cursed them when she saw them on talk shows, swore she would never stand for it if she was the one to be cheated on, and now she'd gone and done it; hurt Ben without him even realizing it.

While she showered and got dressed to go and see Bonnie, she tried to rationalize what had happened the night before. She had been emotionally exhausted with everything that had happened to her sister, and Elliot had been stressed to the max ever since Kathy had kicked him out. They were both lonely souls who had always liked each other; the stars had just aligned that night and they'd succumbed to their desires. Thinking of it that way made Katie feel less guilty. That was until she exited the bathroom in her cotton robe and saw Ben standing in the kitchen with a huge bouquet of white roses in his hands.

"Omigod!" Katie yelped, genuinely startled to see him. He wasn't due back until tomorrow evening.

"I knew I'd surprise you, our presentation was a hit, we didn't even need to see them a second time." Ben grinned, setting the roses on the countertop and wrapping her up in a huge bear hug.

Katie automatically squeezed him back. He was a big guy, tall and stocky, he'd used to be a linebacker in college football, but he was just so lovable she felt like she could cuddle him all day long, and that's all she wanted to do. "I missed you." She said honestly, kissing his cheek.

"I missed you," He said, setting her down and holding her face in his hands. His smile faded and his chocolate brown eyes narrowed. "What's wrong? You look exhausted."

"It's, ah... it's Bonnie." She said in a shaky voice.

Ben grew more concerned. "What happened?"

Katie just burst into tears again, crying more for the fact that she had literally been a few hours away from breaking Ben's heart if he'd seen her with Elliot, but she was still shocked from Bonnie's attack. It was hard for her to explain it all to Ben; but she did. And he listened, in the beautiful, calm, attentive way that he always did. He held her hands, wiped the tears from her eyes and then hugged her when she'd finished explaining everything. Then, he took charge, told her to get dressed and he'd drive her to the hospital to visit her sister.

Still sniffling, Katie retreated into her bedroom and selected an outfit to wear. Now she did feel guilty. Ben was wonderful; Ben was marriage material; he was the man most women wished they could meet. Sweet, funny, caring, hilarious... he was perfect. And in a moment of weakness, she'd betrayed him.

**xxx**


	5. Chapter 5: This Boy I Know

_A/N: This chapter contains Matt Vaughn, the OC of my lovely friend Bec (Becimpala33). Matt is a Lost original character of hers from her story The Roads That Lead To Destiny Are Winding; but he is also a comp, so we figured since he worked in an SVU type setting he could fit into this fic as a friend of Katie's. Some readers may remember that Matt also pops up in my Mia fic, Missing In Action, as does Mia in Bec's Matt fic. Also featured in this fic is Jordan, Matt's sister and OC of Jackie (jacquelin825)_._ Yes, lots of OC trading going on. It's fun! I recommend it. Enjoy!_

**Chapter 5: This Boy I Know**

"You sure you got it?"

"Katie; I can stand. I can walk. I can move. Letting me go to open a door is not gonna break me."

Making a face, Katie reluctantly let go of her sister's arm and unlocked her apartment door. Bonnie had finally been released from hospital with the all-clear, and Katie had ignored any refusal from her sister and demanded that she come and stay with her. She was pregnant and had an ex-boyfriend back home who severely beat the crap out of her – she wasn't going anywhere.

"I didn't realize how old everything in the guest room was," Katie babbled as she ushered Bonnie into the apartment. "The dust, the cobwebs; I always ignore the room when I clean since it's never used."

"It used to be Gran's sewing room, right?" Bonnie recalled as she shuffled into the room, her arm in a sling. Latent inspections on her arm had discovered it was broken; they had neglected x-rays because of Bonnie's pregnancy; unfortunately it meant that arm went a week without being treated.

"Yep," Katie said, pushing open the guest room door, inhaling the scent of a vanilla air freshener; definitely better than the weird, musty smell that had inflamed her nostrils when she'd opened the door two days before. "Bed's brand new, plenty of room, bathroom's right across the hall."

Bonnie smiled at her sister. She was acting like she had never been here before; but Bonnie just knew she was being overly, big-sisterly cautious. "Thanks." She said, climbing up onto the springy mattress and lying down.

"Yeah; you should rest," Katie said, suddenly feeling silly that she hadn't made her pregnant sister lie down immediately. She set Bonnie's bags on the love-seat by the window and pulled a gray quilt from the bureau.

Bonnie didn't mind being taken care of; and she knew Katie liked taking care of her; so she wasn't about to stop her; even if it was stifling at times. Right now, she really was tired.

"Do you want some tea? I bought that green tea you like." Katie said as she removed her sister's sandals and unfolded the blanket across her.

"Sounds great." Bonnie said, settling back into her pillows and closing her eyes. "Thank you."

Stepping unnecessarily quietly out of the carpeted room, Katie left her sister alone and went to busy herself making tea. Ben was at work until late, and he'd said he'd try to make it over to see Bonnie but if not he'd come by the following day, Saturday, to visit.

Katie removed a red mug from the cupboard for Bonnie and clicked on the kettle. The clock on the microwave read 4:45 PM; they were meant to be home before three but the hospital had so many check-outs they had to wait. Olivia had been at the hospital waiting with them; but had had to leave when Elliot called in with a case. Katie had acted naturally; not inquired about the case as she normally would, behaving like herself so as not to let Olivia know.

It had been almost two weeks since Katie had slept with Elliot; and because she had taken time off work to be at Bonnie's side at the hospital; so she hadn't seen him at the precinct or even spoken to him since that night.

It was while reminiscing about Elliot that Katie was interrupted in her thought by a soft knocking at the front door. She pondered who it was as she went to answer it, knowing it wasn't Ben because he always called out when he knocked, and Elliot's knock was more forceful. Perhaps it was Olivia? She peered into the guest room as she passed it; Bonnie had her eyes closed and was resting peacefully.

When Katie checked the keyhole, all she saw were flowering lilies nestled in bright, green leaves. Olivia with flowers, maybe? Katie pulled the door open. "Oh," She smiled after a faltering beat. "Matt, hi."

"Hey," Her co-worker smiled at her. "These are for Bonnie." He gestured the lilies at her.

"Oh, thanks, she's resting, we just got in."

Matt creased his handsome brow. "I thought she was let out at three? That's what Olivia told me..."

"We were supposed to be." Katie rolled her eyes and stood aside to let him in, she explained to him about the late checkout. Matt worked as a Detective with SVU, on the same floor as Olivia and Elliot so he was in Katie's 'section' as she called it. She brought him coffee, his faxes, mail, basically all the same clerical crap she did for everyone else. Matt was at least grateful to her, unlike some of the older detectives who thought bringing coffee was the only thing she was any good at, so she liked him right away. And over the years they'd formed a strong friendship; one that never developed into anything more due to the fact that Matt was gay.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Matt flushed. "I should have called; I didn't want to intrude."

"You're not," Katie assured him, retrieving a second mug from the cupboard for her friend as he set the vase of lilies on the countertop. "Tea?" Matt nodded with a grin. "Tell me you didn't come here on your day off."

Matt chuckled as he slid into a chair at the kitchen table. "Well, try as I might I couldn't weave you into my work day."

Katie poured the boiling water into each of the waiting cups; fixing Bonnie's tea first before adding the hot liquid to the coffee grounds. "Well; fat lot of good it did. The patients sleeping and her sister's an exhausted wreck."

"You are _so_ pretty." Matt over-embellished cheerily.

Katie gave him a narrow-eyed look and told him to wait for his poison while she delivered Bonnie her tea; her sister didn't stir at the sound of her walking in, or the cup setting down on the bedside table, so Katie didn't disturb her and just left the drink there and returned to Matt, who was finishing getting his coffee on his own.

"Just making sure it wasn't really poison," He winked at her, raising the cup to his lips and inhaling the scent. "Man, you make good coffee, Summers."

Katie shuffled him out of her kitchen. "Well, I make a million cups of it at work so I'd hope I was good at it."

"You're not having one?"

"I need something stronger." Katie opened the fridge and pulled out one of the beers she kept chilled for occasions like this. "You'll do, nicely," She murmured to the bottle before she snapped off the lid and took a long, satisfying drink.

"Happy hour somewhere." Matt nodded in his approval of her alcoholic beverage.

Katie said nothing as she slid into a chair across from him, admiring the lilies he'd brought. "Those are beautiful."

"Last minute gift," Matt confessed. "Saw them on the way here, thought it would be less weird and more conventional to bring flowers."

"Bonnie will love them, she adores lilies, and Lily is one of her favourite baby names."

Matt smiled. "Does she know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"No, she doesn't want to know." Katie replied, resting her tired head against her hand. "I'm kinda glad about it... it'll make it more exciting." She sipped her beer. "How's Jordan going?"

"Good. Great, actually." He smiled at her thoughtfulness of remembering his sister, especially considering hers had just been through such a trauma. "Dyed her hair again."

"Fun times." Katie smirked. Bonnie had gone through a hair dying phase. Well, more a hair streaking phase, colouring portions of her normally brown locks bright blue or hot pink, and once even lime green.

"Well; I remember when she was a baby," Matt smiled nostalgically. "That _was_ fun; and you've got it to look forward to."

Katie smiled at the thought of becoming an Aunt, her brain had been focused on Bonnie and her getting better she hadn't let herself get excited about the prospect of the baby. "I guess so." She grinned, Matt always had a way of cheering her up.

"How's Ben?" Matt asked; his eyes falling on a cute picture of them behind a heart-shaped magnet on the fridge.

"Good," Katie said quickly, busying her mouth with another swig of beer so her lip didn't do that weird quivering thing when she was keeping a secret... it was Elliot who had first told her she did it. "He just got a contract building apartment blocks in DC."

Matt nodded, impressed, he'd always liked Ben. Well; what wasn't to like? He was a great guy, a man's man. And he adored Katie. "Will he have to move there?"

Katie shrugged. "He says he's not sure, but I think he just doesn't want to tell me with everything that happened to Bonnie." She sighed. "I hope not," She said, genuinely. If Ben had to move away for work he could be gone for months. That was how he'd come to the city; he'd just happened to like it so he'd stayed.

For a moment Katie almost blurted it out. "I slept with Elliot!" She kind of wanted to scream it, but of course she didn't. It wasn't something to be proud of; and she wasn't, but she was desperately in need of someone to talk to about it. Maybe it was a good time to go see that therapist her mother was always recommending... at least they wouldn't judge her... or maybe they would... that was why Katie was so resistant to go. She'd been a few times; after her father had been murdered when she was young, but she'd barely been five years old, and Bonnie was an infant, she hardly remembered his murder; she just remembered that one day he wasn't there anymore.

Matt's cell phone chose that moment to go off. "Jordan." He said with a smile. "She wants me to bring home pizza." Matt finished his coffee and set his mug in the sink. "I'll give you a call in a few days when Bonnie's more settled." When Katie arose to farewell him he gave her a warm, consuming hug. "I got a trip I'm planning to Sydney I wanna tell you about." He kissed her cheek.

Katie stayed in the kitchen; knowing Matt would let himself out. "Bye." She whispered into the air as he left; suddenly overcome with exhaustion. She ambled to the couch, flopped down, and fell straight to sleep.

**xxx**


	6. Chapter 6: Without Reason

_A/N: This chapter contains Matt Vaughn again; and also gets a little racy! :) _

**Chapter 6: Without Reason**

Katie's first day back at work after taking time off to look after Bonnie was nerve-wracking for one reason and one reason only. Elliot. She knew Olivia would be happy to see her, Munch would make a crack about having to drink her coffee again, and Matt would be there to eat lunch with her as he'd promised for her first day back.

Elliot was a total wildcard.

Their affair was a secret to everyone, thankfully, but that also made Katie feel conscious of how often she asked Olivia or anyone from work how he was; she didn't want to let on that there was something between them; and SVU Detectives were hard people to keep things from, but with working with them for so long, Katie had become savvier at picking out their suspicious faces.

The morning passed easily, Olivia and Elliot were on a case, so Katie was able to settle back into her work rhythm at her own speed. Captain Cragen welcomed her back, inquired about her sister, and reminded her that if she needed more time off; all she had to do was ask. Munch made a remark about her coffee, and then promptly asked for one, citing that he had burnt his hand twice while she wasn't there to make his drink for him.

His attitude was harmless, tongue-in-cheek remarks that made Katie laugh whether they were about her coffee or his numerous ex-wives. She knew he didn't mean it; and that's what made her laugh.

Back at her desk, Katie was filing through a stack of mail that had somehow piled up on her desk, no one around having the foresight to sort it themselves, and then tackled the paperwork spilling out of her inbox. Most of it was just forms that needed mailing, reminders to be sent out, calls to return, meetings to re-schedule; just the general clerical work she thrived on. In some way, it made Katie happy to see her desk so overrun with work; it made her feel like she definitely _did_ contribute something to the precinct, despite not carrying a badge and gun.

"Welcome back!" Matt's bright voice snapped Katie out of a sorting trance.

"Oh, hey!" She had to blink a few times to adjust to a life-sized person, after spending a good twenty minutes reading the diminutive writing on some of the forms on her desk. Matt was holding a thin yellow daisy out to her. "Aw, sweet."

"Not really; I stole it from the lobby," He said, sticking the daisy into the cup of water beside her computer. "Settling back in okay?"

Katie leant back in her chair and stretched her arms up over her head; her muscles twitching with the movement. "I think so," She nudged her stack of waiting paperwork. "It's like I never left."

"_Nice_ outfit..." Matt commented, eyeing the midnight blue satin blouse that clung to Katie's womanly body.

Katie knew her top was fancy, but she'd paired it with an old, dark blue skirt so she didn't feel overdressed. Apparently Matt had still noticed. "Well, first day back," She smiled. "Might as well use this shirt for something."

Happy enough with her answer, Matt told her he'd meet her for a late lunch at two and then left her alone. It was as he was exiting the room that Katie sucked in a sharp breath of air. Elliot and Olivia were back. They were in the midst of a conversation, most likely about their case, and both retreated to their desks immediately as was their routine. Katie didn't stare; she just became more and more involved in a request for an interview with one of the senior detectives. Protocol was that she'd send back a polite decline; the police would go to the press if there were to be any interviews. Katie had written that email reply so many times it was printed in her brain. Her fingers knew what keys to hit as she opened up a fresh email and replied back to the reporter with the _New York Post_.

There were three more interview requests to follow; so Katie just copied and pasted the email; changing the respective names and publications, adjusting information where she needed. She forgot she was ignoring Elliot; until Olivia came to say hello.

"Welcome back!" She said cheerfully. "I tried to keep your desk clean, but..." Her eyes drifted to the mountains of paper. "Sorry."

Katie just smiled. "It's okay, really I'm loving the distraction."

"How's Bonnie?"

"Better." Katie said, smiling again, this one more honest because it was the truth. "The doctor doesn't want her on her feet too much until she recovers, so she's parked herself in front of the television, loving that I'm her personal slave when I get home."

"I'm glad she's doing better. I actually need to do a follow-up interview with her this week, if I can."

Katie shrugged, not seeing a problem with this. "Like I said; she's glued to the couch. I'll let her know to expect you. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Katie got to her feet and stretched her legs, realizing she hadn't stood up in a few hours. "Man, I need coffee. You want?"

"No, I'm good. You know I haven't been drinking it nearly as often without you here."

"Well; I'll have to fix that." Katie winked, gathering up a bunch of files that needed to be put away. She bid Olivia goodbye as the Captain called her into his office, and headed to one of the file rooms behind the interview rooms to put the witness statements in her hands into their respective folders.

The room was empty, as always; Katie suspected she was the only one who went back here, nothing was ever moved from where she left it, over the years she'd put her own clerical system into place, and it worked well. The statements she had to file corresponded to cases, which were organized by date, and then alphabetically by the victim's surname, under the names of the Detectives that worked the case. Simple; effective.

"Hey."

She'd known Elliot would follow her back here, somewhere in her head she'd known it. He wouldn't come up to her desk; show their awkwardness to the entire precinct, he'd have her cornered, alone. Still filing statements away, Katie looked up at him, smiled, and replied. "Hi."

"Welcome back." He said, stepping into the room and letting the door close behind him.

"Thanks."

"How's your sis?"

"Good."

Elliot let out a nervous laugh, crossing his arms over his chest. "That's all I get? One word answers?"

Katie filed _M. Tumbland's_ statement in the appropriate folder, taking her eyes off Elliot. "What else do you want?"

Elliot leant back against the door, arms tightly gripped across his chest, the tension evident in the way he held his jaw. "We gotta talk."

"No, we don't." Katie said, quickly slamming shut the filing cabinet she was working on and moving to the next one. "You're married. I'm in a relationship. They are the facts. So... that's it."

Elliot pushed off of the wall. "No," He said quietly. "That's not it."

Roughly shoving _R. Mullins_ statement into Olivia's section of the file drawer, Katie kept her eyes on her work.

"Do you know what it's like to want somebody?" He said under his breath, taking three long strides towards her. "Just... to touch them?"

He was talking about her, who else? Her back was to him, but she could hear him breathing behind her, and knew if she turned he'd be right there. "Yeah." She found herself answering in voice barely above a whisper. Turning, Katie kept her eyes to the floor, but they were soon travelling up Elliot's legs, up his chest, across his muscled arms, firm and clenched, and finally resting in his narrow, blue eyes, watching her intently, waiting for her to make a move. "But it doesn't matter."

"It's _all _that matters."

Katie tried to send off as many negative vibes as she could. She was with Ben; she _loved _Ben. That mattered, too. But she couldn't ignore the chemical reaction in her body when she was this close to Elliot... perhaps she could; but she didn't want to. "Elliot." She said; but that was it. She couldn't find other words, her mouth just opened and closed like a fish, her voice gone.

"I'm not sorry." Elliot said resolutely. "I'm not."

"Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" Katie snapped curtly.

Elliot had had enough. "Look; if you're not gonna talk this out seriously," He unfurled his arms and held them up in a surrendering motion. "Then I'm done talking about it at all." He backed away from her.

Katie scoffed. "Well, maybe I'm not done." She said; but he didn't reply, he just turned for the door. "Hey!" Katie approached him and grabbed his upper forearm, trying to turn him around. He was much stronger than her, and turned back, wrenching his hand from her fingers. He wouldn't have hit her, but his arm was tightly positioned in front of him as if to ward of an attacker; the reaction of a military detective. "You don't get to say you're done!"

Elliot looked to his feet, searching for an answer, and then replied the only way he could think of; he kissed her. He took her by surprise, her hands flew to his as he clutched her chin between his palms, pushing his lips between hers; she stumbled back a couple of steps but didn't break their kiss. She was certainly resistant; her lips were tight; her jaw was clenched. Elliot took his hands from her face and lowered them to her hips; giving her the control over the kiss; and she kissed him back, softly and lovingly, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling her body into his.

Katie's mind raced, her body shivered, and her heart was pounding. He gave her this feeling; this biological response; that she'd never felt with another man. Perhaps it was because it was sordid; secret, an affair, Katie had never been involved in one before, but now she understood the excitement, the danger... it was intoxicating. His hands roamed lower down her back, bending he picked her up and spun her around, pressing her back against the wall and sliding his hands up under her skirt.

"We can't do this here." Katie murmured into his lips, electricity firing through her veins and begging her to do the exact opposite of what her rational mind was telling her.

"Yeah; we can." Elliot replied, slipping his hand up into her panties and pulling them aside; letting his fingers graze against her most sensitive skin and make her moan.

Katie silenced her rational brain, her hand was already travelling into Elliot's pants, but she found she didn't need to help him at all. She quickly unzipped him; and then he was inside her completely. She had to bite her lip to keep from screaming out loud as her body lifted off and against the wall in rhythm with Elliot's hips. She had to clench her knees around his waist, and that only added to her pleasure as she let him devour her.

He didn't last long; they were both so heated and wanton that their act was over in mere minutes; but each second of those minutes was filled with lust, gratification, fear and an unspoken knowledge that this was definitely not the last time they would be together.

**xxx**


	7. Chapter 7: Beauty & Grace

**Chapter 7: Beauty & Grace  
**

Katie felt nothing but contentment when she opened her eyes and saw Elliot sleeping beside her. Bonnie had finally gathered up the courage to tell their mother about her pregnancy, so she was out of town for the week, and Ben was back in Washington working on the apartment complex his crew had designed until Friday. So that meant Elliot and Katie could be alone; which was still the only way they indulged in their affair – alone. No one knew; they didn't speak about revealing it to anyone. They just enjoyed each other's company; and when they were alone it didn't seem wrong at all.

Elliot's arm was draped around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him, and the blanket covered both of their naked bodies just above their waists. The chill in the air made Katie curl inwards, closer to the heat emanating from Elliot. He stirred as her cool skin met his and opened one of his eyes, a broad smile spreading across his face as he registered she was there. "Morning," he mumbled, tightening his arm around her shoulder and leaning in to gently kiss her lips. "Is it early or late?"

"Ten." Katie answered as a cool shiver ran across her skin; the apartment was always more cold than it was hot. "You have to leave?" She asked, already knowing the answer. If he'd had to leave; he'd be gone already.

"Nope." Elliot brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Kid's come over for dinner tonight; I get 'em til tomorrow."

Katie opened her mouth to answer but was cut off by her cell phone ringing loudly on the nightstand beside her. With a groan, Katie reached over and blindly felt around until she found the her cell and checked the ID before she answered. "Hey, Bonnie," She said, pulling the blanket up around her chest and sitting up. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Everything's fine, Katie," Bonnie said with a laugh. "You have to stop thinking the worst when I call you."

Considering the fact that her pregnant sister had been beaten to a pulp by her ex-boyfriend, Katie felt she had every right to be concerned; but she said nothing about it. And at least Bonnie was laughing. "How's mum?"

"Excited, she's digging out our baby albums now," Bonnie lowered her voice into a hushed whisper. "I didn't tell her about... y'know... my attack..."

Katie's eyebrows knotted together, her sister had a broken arm, it was obvious something had happened. "What did you tell her?"

"That I fell down some stairs," Bonnie said; her voice still quiet. "At the apartment. And the baby's father just ran out, so if she asks you'll go along with it, okay?"

Katie sighed hugely; she was hardly in the position to define right and wrong lying naked in a bed with another man. "Of course." She could hear Bonnie sigh with relief. "When are you coming back?"

"The weekend," Bonnie replied. "Mum wants to take me baby shopping; so clear some space, okay?"

Katie smiled. "I will," Behind her sister's voice Katie could hear her mother calling out.

"Yeah, coming Ma!" Bonnie hollered. "I gotta go; she's found something exciting. Call me tomorrow, ok?"

"I will. I love you."

"You, too."

With a loud exhale, Katie hung up and set her phone down.

"Everything ok?" Elliot asked; tracing his fingers up and down Katie's bare back.

"Yeah; I think she's fine." Katie swivelled back into the bed and sat back against her pillows, tucking the blanket under her arms. "I think I'm more worried that she's _not_ fine and is hiding it or something... but really I think she's okay."

"She'll only get better." Elliot said, rolling onto his stomach with a pillow nestled under his head.

"I never thought she'd have a baby before me," Katie said wistfully. "Course, she was always more steadfast than I was. Puts her mind to something; and does it. Like with the drugs; she quits cold turkey; that's it. She makes a decision; and she sticks to it." She smiled. "When I was fifteen; she made me enter this beauty pageant thing."

Elliot grinned. "You were a beauty queen?"

"For one epic year." Katie said dramatically. "I was Miss Teen Summer – and even though I maintain I won because they could make a whole bunch of gags with my last name, _Summers for Summer_ was one of the lame headlines." She rolled her eyes. "Bonnie was adamant it was because I was the prettiest, I was the most talented, and no one could convince her of anything else," Katie turned to Elliot and straightened her back, trying to remember her winner's speech. "I stood like this," She tilted her head to the side and pretended she was holding a bouquet of roses, as she had been on the day she won. "And I had the flowers in my arm here, and Bonnie had written my acceptance speech." She cleared her throat. "_In my role as Miss Teen Summer, I will dedicate my reign to helping the needy, and solving world hunger,_" She found it hard to keep a straight face, Elliot was already laughing. "_For the creation of a better earth; for every man, woman and child._"

"Oh, my God," Elliot laughed into his pillow. "Of course you won!"

Katie giggled and slid back under the covers closer to him. "Well, there were only like four other girls in my category, and we all won something. 'Course I was only a teenager, no licence... so by the time I was done opening mini-malls I had about two weeks to work on hunger and world peace."

"What was your talent?"

"I counted cards." Katie said. "My mum taught Bonnie and I when we were little. I think that's why I won. All the other girls had the staples, y'know singing, one had a baton." Katie rolled her eyes. "I was different, that's what Bonnie kept saying, "_you're different, you'll win_." She sighed. "She was right... she's my little sister and she screws up; but she's still right more often than not."

Elliot sighed and shuffled closer to Katie. "She know about us?"

Katie echoed his sigh and leant against his chest. "No. I don't know what to say." She closed her eyes as Elliot ran his fingers through her hair. The same response could be said for Ben; what would she say to him? Nothing; that's what. She was too cowardly to admit to Ben she'd cheated on him.

Eventually she would tell Bonnie; it was her sister; she told her everything, and she trusted her baby sister to keep tight-lipped about the whole affair; but then she would have to admit that it was wrong. Katie knew it was wrong; but she was past the point of caring. Elliot's divorce was coming through; he was looking for a bigger place for his kids... he was preparing for a new life. But Katie? She still pretended to be faithful to Ben. She loved him; and she was breaking his heart without him even knowing it.

**xxx**


	8. Chapter 8: Night Out  Part 1

**Chapter 8: Night Out - Part 1  
**

Elliot had spent the past three hours in court; but finally his case was over. Another one for the books; but that didn't mean he was off for the night – or morning as it would be. It was just after lunch when he headed back into the precinct; another case in his hands immediately. Olivia met him at the elevator, passing over a folder as she explained their latest criminal; a rapist who'd given them the slip for the past three weeks.

"Three women in three weeks," Olivia said as they walked towards their desks. "He has a type, he has an MO, but he never leaves evidence, the location is always different; always close to a public setting."

"Any luck with the sketch artist?"

"Yes and no," Olivia replied as they reached their desks, she handed Elliot three different sketches.

Elliot scanned the images. They were all kind of the same; but there was nothing unique or standout about any of them. "I could walk outside and find ten guys that look like this." He sighed and sank into his chair.

"Exactly, but," Olivia stayed on her feet. "Each woman reported that he smelled the same. Oil; a grease-monkey maybe."

"Anyone doing work on buildings nearby?"

"Everywhere," Olivia said with a sigh. "There's a half dozen near each crime scene; all different companies; hundreds of employees. Munch and Finn are searching through their employee database; maybe we'll get lucky, all these companies put their guys in the system."

"Meanwhile this guy's been raping women weekly, means he'll be looking for a victim by Monday."

Olivia rubbed the knot forming in the back of her neck and closed her eyes; thinking. "Ideally we catch him in the act... means we could put him down for at least the one attack while we try and connect him to the others."

"Can't catch him in the act if we don't know where he'll be." Elliot pointed out dejectedly.

"Might have a hit!" Finn called out as he came to Elliot's desk. "A lotta these workers moonlight at different companies, catch the extra money where they can."

"So some overlapped, any near all three crime scenes?"

"Just two guys who fit the profile." Finn said handing duplicate printouts to both Olivia and Elliot. "Anthony Fletcher, thirty-five, single, works with two of the companies who worked right by two of the crime scenes, in walking distance of the third. But my money's on the second guy, Warren Oakfield; thirty-two, worked right by every crime scene, every day of the attacks, and he has a record."

"For what?"

"Assault."

Elliot felt a jolt of exhilaration. "Love it when it's so easy," He said, rising to his feet, Olivia right behind him, they headed off to interview their suspect.

**xxx**

Warren Oakfield wasn't at work when Elliot and Olivia arrived; his boss said he always signed on for the night-shift. "But if you ask me," Will Morris, the owner and manager of _Morris & Sons Construction_, said as he walked the detectives back to the employee lounge. "That guy never slept; always yawning, drinking coffee, eyes bloodshot."

"And you let this guy handle heavy machinery?" Olivia said with raised eyebrows.

Will shrugged and smiled. "Look, Detective, I'm not stupid. I got a brother, ten years clean. I got a policy; random drug testing. Tested Warren first day he showed up looking like crap; he was clean. One of those poor bastards who always looks sleep deprived, y'know?"

"He a good worker?" Elliot asked.

Will shrugged again. "He does what he's told; when he's told; so I like him. Doesn't make a fuss; doesn't get in the way, just does his work. Not the most social of guys; but I don't need 'em to be." He furrowed his thick eyebrows. "What are you looking into him for?"

"He's a person of interest in a case we're investigating." Olivia answered calmly; not wanting to let on anything that would possibly tip off Warren. "What time does the night shift begin?"

"Nine pm; works until two am." Will said. "We're building an addition to a strip joint; I got ten guys working there tonight."

"That the kinda job your workers jump to take?" Olivia smirked.

Will chuckled. "I know what you're thinking, that's why I pick who goes where. I know my guys. I know who'll keep their minds on the job, and Warren's one of them."

"Can you account for Warren for the past three weeks?" Elliot asked, rattling off the dates of the previous rapes.

"I'll have to check my records, but I'm pretty sure he was working for me all three nights," Will said; retreating into his office just behind the employee lounge.

"And do you have anyone on site watching them?" Olivia asked.

"Grown men don't tend to like baby-sitters, ma'am," Will said. "But there's always a senior employee on hand at every site. John Nelson's on tonight; not the hardest worker but he knows what he's doing. Want me to give you his number?"

"That won't be necessary." Olivia said. "Just give us the address to the strip club."

**xxx**

It was six o'clock at the precinct, and Elliot and Olivia, along with Munch and Finn, were gearing up to stakeout; but they were lacking one very important part of their plan. A decoy. Someone who fit the profile the rapist looked for; and would therefore bait him. Ideally it would be an undercover cop; but so far the Captain couldn't find anyone fitting the description; not with only two hours to spare.

"Homicide has three women matching our description," The Captain said as he exited his office looking forlorn. "Two are on assignment until the morning; one's on maternity leave."

Sighing Olivia let her head roll back as she tiredly closed her eyes. "There has to be someone..." Her eyes scanned the precinct; waiting for the perfect person to come waltzing through the doors. Instead; her eyes fell on Katie, sitting at her desk clearing up for the night. "Hey." Olivia muttered loud enough to catch everyone's attention; and they all followed her eye-line to Katie.

"No." Elliot said immediately. "She doesn't wear glasses, she's not a fit."

"We can put glasses on her," Olivia turned to the Captain. "She's our best and closest shot."

"It's dangerous!" Elliot said loudly. "We can't put a civilian in the middle of a stakeout."

"She's hardly a civilian; all the things she's seen?" Finn pointed out. "Only thing she's missing is the gun."

"And the training, and the preparation," Elliot continued to argue. "We don' have time-"

"Exactly; we don't have time." The Captain cut in. "This guy could attack tonight; we have to put this into effect now." He turned to Olivia; his voice commanding; and final. "Ask her."

**xxx**

Katie had been looking to a quiet night in with Bonnie when Olivia had asked for her help. She'd said yes; any chance to help out a little more and prove that she was more than a glorified receptionist; she was slightly happy that they'd even asked her. Until Olivia explained she was absolutely their only chance in the amount of time they had; that took the shine off a little.

"You'll be in contact with Elliot and me the entire time," Olivia was saying as she helped Katie get into her 'undercover' outfit.

Apparently this rapist they were after was very specific with the type of woman he picked. Blonde, blue-eyed, glasses, slim, on the shorter side, all wearing stockings and very short heels. Katie had been wearing a midnight blue summer dress with sandals; so her entire outfit had to be changed.

"Do I want to ask why you have all of these clothes?" Katie asked as she pulled the stockings up over her legs; they were so fiddly; she never liked wearing them even if they did slim down her legs as so many magazines led her to believe. And even though this black pair she was stepping into were quite well-made, she couldn't shake the feeling they'd come from a prostitute... or worse; a corpse.

"They're clean. Very clean." Olivia said; waiting on the other side of the ladies bathroom door, folding up her summer dress. "I wouldn't give you tainted clothes."

Katie sighed and reached for the A-line gray skirt. "I feel like a librarian." She muttered, buttoning the slightly too-small skirt up on the side; she let to leave one button undone. "So; what is my story here? I'm just hanging out around a renovated whorehouse?"

"It's a strip club; not a whorehouse," Olivia corrected her, unable not to smirk. "And Elliot will go over it in more detail with you; he's sorting it out with the Captain now."

Katie huffed, pulling on the pale blue checked sweater she's been supplied with. "Ok," She smoothed the shirt out, at least it had some shape to it, and came out of the stall. "Ta-daa." She said demurely.

"You look great," Olivia smiled, handing over a pair of black rimmed glasses. "Fake lenses."

"This is very weird type for a rapist, isn't it?" Katie asked as she put on the glasses; it was strange since she only ever wore sunglasses; she felt like she was wearing a faulty pair of shades. "When you asked me to do this I thought I'd be in fishnets and a mini-dress."

"Can never tell what a rapist likes," Olivia replied. "Maybe it has something to do with a woman in his life, someone who wronged him, that's hopefully what you're going to help us figure out." She handed Katie a claw hair clip. "Hair up; every victim's hair was still up when we found her."

"Please don't remind me I'm dressing to be attacked, here," Katie said, hastily taking the clip and twisting her blonde hair up and securing it in place.

"Sorry. It'll only be for a few hours; and only for tonight, I promise. We can't risk using the same decoy twice and having someone catch on." Olivia folded the rest of Katie's clothes into a paper bag and handed her a pair of cream slip on ballet flats.

"Ugh," Katie made a face and took the hideous, cheap shoes. "I don't get paid enough for this crap."

**xxx**

Elliot had Katie in the Captain's office; briefing her on her character for the decoy; she could tell he wasn't happy by the clinical way he spoke; as if she was just a random cop brought in to help them out for the night; he was cutting off emotional contact with her; he couldn't let on they were involved; not for a case so important.

"Katie; repeat it back to me." Elliot said firmly as he stood before her, leaning against the wall with his arms coiled firmly across his chest.

"My name is Rebecca King; I'm a visiting guest lecturer in IT at NYU, in town for the weekend. I caught a late movie and now I'm walking home." Katie recited for the third time. It seemed silly to her, this guy wasn't going to ask her questions that needed these answers. "If someone asks me what I'm doing I act reserved and nervous." She smiled tiredly.

"Stop that." Elliot said sharply.

"What?"

"This is serious, Katie, you know that, right?"

"I'm not stupid." She caught the glimmer in his eyes. "You don't think I should do this; do you?"

"Of course-!" He cut himself off and lowered his voice, moving closer to her. "Of course not." He replied; his voice was low but still authoritative. "You have no training in the field; you're not a cop; you don't know what you're doing; this is stupid putting you in danger like this."

"I wouldn't do it if I didn't think I could." Katie pointed out. "I'm not naive, Elliot. You think I don't see what goes on around here? That I don't know how awful and heartbreaking it is to work here? Just because I'm not a cop doesn't mean I don't understand this. I see the rape victims who come in here, I comfort them while you guys are discussing what do next, I sit with children who have been molested until you're ready to interview them." She was happy Elliot wasn't arguing with her; she'd expected him to. "I'm not scared of helping, Elliot. And I'll have four cops' eyes on me the entire time."

Elliot pinched the spot between his eyes and squatted down in front of her. "Don't turn this into some game, Katie," he said quietly. "This is serious."

"I'm not doing this for fun." Katie replied irritably; did he think she was a moron?

Sighing again, Elliot took a small earpiece off of the Captain's table. "Stick this in your ear," He instructed. "I'll be able to hear you and you'll be able to hear me; the whole time."

Katie pressed what looked like a dull metal thumbtack without a pin into her right eardrum, and then almost jumped when she felt Elliot's hand on her knee; she wasn't used to them being intimate anywhere other than both of their apartments.

"If I tell you to run; you run like hell, do you understand that?" His voice was low; but the look in his eyes was as severe as ever.

"Yeah."

"Promise me, Katie."

"I promise." She was stunned for a second time when he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead; and only then did she understand why he was being so fierce with her, why he was making her so vigilant; he was worried about her.

**xxx**


	9. Chapter 9: Night Out  Part 2

_AN - Matt Vaughn on loan from Bec; yet again :)_

**Chapter 9: Night Out - Part ****2**  


Katie sat in the back of Olivia and Elliot's unmarked car; waiting. It was after midnight; and the workers were still sawing and chopping away. Katie had to wait until they took a break to even get out of the car. At first it had been exciting; but now after having to sit for three hours, it was just boring; and she was tired.

"Hey; wake up," Olivia prodded her knee and held a cup of coffee in her face. "Got you this."

Katie shook her head to wake herself up and made herself drink a mouthful of the coffee, which wasn't half-bad considering the kind of crap she had to serve at the precinct. "How much longer?"

"Be patient." Olivia said, smiling kindly. "Munch and Finn are doing laps; and we got another couple of uniforms standing point in the building across from the strip joint."

"More cops?" Katie furrowed her thin eyebrows. "Who?"

"Matt." Elliot answered for Olivia.

"And someone on loan from homicide, Agent Jodie Wyatt." Olivia settled back in her chair and sipped her coffee. "Matt jumped right on board when we asked, said Jodie owed him a favour."

Suddenly Katie felt nervous. Now she had six police officers watching her in case something went wrong... six? To take down one guy? If he was that dangerous they wouldn't let Katie near him; would they? He had raped three women... they wanted him off the streets... she was bait...

"I'm gonna do a lap; meet up with Finn," Olivia said, exiting the car with her coffee in hand. "I'm falling asleep in here."

"You alright?" Elliot asked Katie through the rear-view mirror as he watched Olivia round the corner up ahead.

"I..." Katie realized her voice was shaking. "I dunno..." She was overcome with a massive wave of anxiety. "Elliot; I don't think I can do this."

"Hey," Elliot turned around in his chair, reached out and took her hand. "Yes you can, I know you can."

"I can't! What if he attacks me?"

"I won't let it get that far; I promise, I'll be watching the whole time; you'll never be out of my sight, okay?"

Katie wiped frightened tears from her eyes. "I.. just..."

"You are not weak." Elliot said; squeezing her hand. "You're not. That's why Liv suggested you, that's why Finn and Munch are out there manning the streets, why Matt and Jodie are keeping watch; we know you're strong enough to do this; we trust that you can because we _know_ you can."

_"Elliot; it's Olivia, copy?"_

Elliot took his radio off the dashboard and answered her. "Yeh; Liv, go ahead."

_"Guys are clocking off early, starting to pack up. We ready?"_

Elliot looked to Katie; who gave him an affirming nod. "Good to go. Stay put." He set his radio down. "Are we good to go?" He asked Katie again.

"As good as I'll ever be." Katie said; forcing a strained smile to her face. "One block ahead, right?"

"Can't miss it; head towards the bus stop and keep walking. Matt'll have eyes on you," Elliot still had a hold of her hand. "You need help, you want out – signal us; take your phone out of your bag and we'll be there in seconds, ok?"

"I got it, El," Katie said; pulling her hand from his. "You're in my ear." She smiled, stronger this time, and exited the car.

Her legs were shaking and it had nothing to do with the cold; she was starting to sweat under her thin sweater even as a chilling wind swept across her shoulders. Her mind was in complete flight mode; she shouldn't be doing this. No matter what Elliot said; she was unprepared for this; but it was too late to back out now. In her own mind, that is. She'd committed to this; she would see it through. If it were Bonnie; she'd have the strength to do it. Bonnie was fearless; she had to get that from somewhere, and they shared DNA, somewhere in Katie there had to be a little chromosomal thread of that vigour.

The strip club wasn't hard to miss; the outline of a naked woman flickering so it looked as though she was cocking her leg up every second blink of the neon light. However, besides that light; there was no other illumination inside the building; the workers were on top of it; climbing down ladders or milling around a truck, packing up for the night.

Taking a deep breath, Katie clutched her hands around the arm of her purse and walked closer to them. Each inhale she reminded herself that she had police watching her; she only had to _appear_ vulnerable; she wasn't in any danger. Olivia had a hell of a right hook and she'd seen Elliot tackle a six foot, 200 pound criminal right off his feet.

Katie had good eyes on her; and she tried to keep that as her only thought as she primly walked past the workers. Most of them ignored her; or just gave her a quick glance; a couple kept ogling on her as she walked away, but Katie just kept her head forward and tried to slow down her racing heartbeat.

_"Katie; take it slow, okay?"_

The crackle of Olivia's voice in her ear made Katie jump, but she covered it by pretending it was a cold shiver and tucked her arms under her armpits.

_"Brush your hair out of your eyes if you're okay to keep going."_

Without hesitation, Katie smoothed her fringe over her ear, took another deep breath, and slowed her walking.

_"Okay, good. I'll be in touch; keep going."_

The streetlight Katie approached was flickering on and off, which gave the empty street a very film noir, despite the smell of asphalt, garbage and dog urine, it was almost like a movie set.

_"Katie, take the left into the alley, it connects to the adjoining street, there's a bus stop; that's your location, ok? That's where we'll have a car pick you up. Cough if you hear me."_

Katie covered her mouth and dry coughed her reply to Olivia and casually directed herself into the alley. It wasn't as dark as she would have thought; the street light up at the other end was as bright as ever and cast a yellow glow throughout the alleyway. It was a thin path; a sedan vehicle might be able to squeeze through, if it weren't for the massive dumpsters lining the brick walls.

There was a scraping noise to her left, and Katie spotted the bright green eyes of a feral cat, hissing at her for coming too close to its dinner of half an uneaten take-away burger. As Katie walked passed, the cat scurried into the dumpster, and apparently ran into another cat because there was loud growling a moment later.

Katie always felt sorry for stray cats; when she was little she and Bonnie would dream about having a big house when they were older where all the unwanted animals could come and live. Katie just wanted cats and dogs, but Bonnie was open to all animals. Horses, chickens, even lizards and-

_Clunk!_

Something heavy fell on Katie's head; it felt like the weight of a brick had dropped on her. It made her stumble, and her vision went starry. Before she could even shake her head to get her bearings, a gruff hand was grabbing her shoulder. The next thing she knew; she was face to face with the pavement, her head half in a puddle of murky water with something warm running down her face onto her lips. Blood. Warm and copious.

Something shocked her ear; like a quick electric zap. Her earpiece; it was in the puddle. Gone. Contact with Olivia and Elliot was out; they would know she was in trouble. Someone would come and help her.

Katie had no idea who was on top of her; but he smelled like an oil drum filled with dirty laundry. His knees were pinned around her hips as he turned her over. Katie could make out the blurry face of a Caucasian man above her; but every time her head throbbed her eyes flickered closed and it seemed to take all her energy to open them again.

Now there was a noise... soft... almost like a grunt... he was speaking to her... and she could see a glint of metal bouncing light from the street lamp... sharp metal... a knife...

"Pretty little girl." He purred.

* * *

As soon as Katie's earpiece went dark, Elliot was out of his car. He snatched up his radio as he opened the door and relayed to Olivia to find Katie A-SAP; she was in danger. Matt had radioed Elliot; told him three of the men followed in Katie's direction; but only one hung back.

It was _him_, Warren; the rapist; he was in the alley and he had Katie.

The road was a blur under Elliot's feet as he bolted passed the strip club, earning him a few puzzled looks from the last remaining workers hanging by their truck; and then he swerved down the alleyway.

Warren was hunched over Katie's body; Elliot recognized her blonde hair shimmering under the florescent streetlight. She was still; sickeningly lifeless. Elliot swiftly pulled his gun from his waistband and aimed it at Warren's back. "Police! Get your hands in the air!" He hollered. For a brief second, Warren turned and caught Elliot's eyes. His gaze chilled Elliot to the bone; he was so cold, so inhumane. And then he was gone; sprang up off Katie and sprinted to the end of the alley.

Elliot could already see Finn and Olivia advancing on Warren as he ran towards them, so he was able to run straight to Katie. She was unconscious. "Katie?" There was blood smeared across her forehead and through her hair, her shoulders were bruised, her shirt was ripped open exposing her bra, and her skirt was pushed up her thighs, red marks just above her knees, he'd grabbed her.

"El?" Olivia was running towards him. "This is Detective Benson!" She yelled into her radio. "I need a bus to my location NOW!"

"You get him?"

"Finn's got him." Olivia said, panting heavily as she arrived by Katie. "Oh, my God."

"She's breathing." Elliot said, removing his zip-up jacket and wrapping it around Katie's shoulder, pushing her skirt down as he did.

"Where you runnin, man!" Finn's voice echoed down the alley as he easily held Warren by the back of his shirt, yanking his hands behind his back to snap on his handcuffs.

"Stay with her." He told Liv. Full of rage pulsing through his veins, Elliot rose to his feet and advanced on the suspect.

"I got him, Elliot." Finn said, pushing Warren not-so-kindly into the brick wall to keep him in place.

"You like your women unconscious?" Elliot hissed in Warren's ear. "So they don't fight back? Can't get a real woman; they gotta be knock out for you to have a shot!"

"I want my lawyer!" Warren bellowed.

"No one's gonna be able to help you now you snivelling little prick; you just assaulted an employee of the police department; you think you've got any hope? You got nothing." He snatched Warren's cuffed hands from Finn and directed him out of the alley, towards a waiting police car with Matt behind the wheel. "I, on the other hand, have got you by the balls," Matt exited the car and opened the rear door of the car. Elliot shoved Warren in, purposely cracking his head against the doorframe. "Sorry about that." He snarled unapologetically.

"Police brutality!" Warren whined.

"Shut up." Matt slammed the door in his face.

* * *

Katie awoke feeling like she hadn't actually slept at all.

Her body was aching, even the motion of blinking her eyes gave her a headache. She could feel something sticking in her hand, her calves were stinging and burning; like from a gravel rash. There was a numbing feeling in her right temple, and her eyes wouldn't blink as fast as Katie wanted them to; she tried to speak but no sound came out.

"Katie?"

It was Bonnie; her voice was quiet but sweet but scared.

"It's me; can you hear me?"

"Y-yeah," Katie coughed and fixed her eyes on her sister's stricken face. "Hi."

"Hi," Bonnie had her hand, and squeezed it tight. "You look fantastic."

Katie managed a weak smile. "I feel awesome." She tried to sit up, but Bonnie stopped her and hit the button beside the bed so it lifted her into a more vertical position. "Did they get him?"

"Who?"

"The criminal... the guy... the guy who... attacked me..."

"Yeah; they got him." Bonnie said. "_You _got him; you glorified receptionist, you."

Katie smiled; but that just hurt even more and her eyes watered. "Did he...rape me?" She didn't feel like she'd been assaulted; but she wasn't sure of anything at that moment.

"No," Bonnie said with another squeeze of her hand. "That Elliot guy beat the living crap out of him."

"Is he here?"

"Katie?"

It was Ben, and he'd been crying. He rushed into the room and right to Katie. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry this happened," Ben was at her other side, opposite Bonnie, pressing a tentative kiss to her forehead. "I'll never leave you again; I'm sorry..."

Katie was crying already, not just for the pain searing through her legs, the thumping ache in her temple and the memory of that hideous creep on top of her, the tears that ran down her face were tears of betrayal. Ben was loyal to her; painfully so; and all Katie could think was that she wished it was Elliot holding her hand.

**xxx**


	10. Chapter 10: Out

_AN - Matt Vaughn still on loan from Bec :)_

**Chapter 10: Out  
**

Katie spent a week at hospital, mostly just for observation. Thankfully, since she had been part of the whole operation to get the rapist for his crimes, she didn't have to testify. The police had witnessed his crime; Katie didn't have to leave her hospital bed until her attacker had been sentenced, and was now awaiting trial in The Tombs. Olivia had assured Katie that with her positive ID, DNA evidence and the fact that _police_ had _witnessed_ him attacking her; it would be a smooth, clean trial and soon he'd be away for life.

On Katie's last day in hospital, Bonnie was with her helping her pack up her things. Her sister was counting down the days until she reached her eighth month of pregnancy, Bonnie and Katie had both been born in the first week of their mother's eighth month; so they were expecting the little one to arrive soon enough.

Bonnie was young; so her body responded youthfully to the pregnancy. She had the kind of body Katie knew most women would die for during those nine months. If you looked at her from behind; you wouldn't know she was pregnant. She didn't even have to change her jeans; her legs didn't get any wider, she just stopped buttoning up the very top button so her bump was sticking out and wore slightly bigger shirts or dresses; but she just looked so healthy. Katie knew, should she ever become pregnant, she wouldn't be as lucky as her freak-of-nature sister.

"Ugh," Bonnie made a disgusted face as she pulled a shirt from the drawers that Katie's clothes had been stored in. "What is this?"

Katie gave her a withering look. "It's Ben's; he gave it to me to sleep in. It's comfortable."

"Comfortable like a bag of garbage," Bonnie muttered, folding the shirt and placing it into Katie's rucksack.

"Ok," Katie mentally went over the list in her head and checked off the items in her hands. "Toothpaste and brush, shampoo, conditioner, soap, hairbrush... I think I've got everything."

"Do a second sweep." Bonnie suggested as she tried to stuff one of the towels from the bathroom into Katie's bag.

"Are you stealing?"

"They expect you to take a few things." Bonnie said casually.

"This isn't a hotel."

"May as well be; they make you pay through the nose. And with what you did to help put that creep behind bars? They can spare a towel." She tucked another one under her coat. "Or two."

Katie didn't disapprove; it's hard to argue with an adorable pregnant sister. She just turned a blind eye to it and went back to do one more look through the bathroom.

"Hey, Katie, can I pack up these cards and flowers and stuff?" Bonnie called.

"Yeah; go for it." Katie replied, spying one of her favourite earrings behind the tap on the sink. "Got you," She muttered, going to her bag to find the other one and immediately putting them on so she wouldn't lose them again. She checked her watch; 1:45. Bonnie was reading through the cards as she stacked them in a shoebox. "Matt'll be waiting for us outside at two, Bon," Katie reminded her. "No time for reading."

"You have so many sweet friends," Bonnie said. "One from Olivia, Finn, Munch, Matt... the whole precinct..." She paused at one card and laughed. "Ha - _I miss your ass, love your desk chair."_

Katie rolled her eyes. Matt, or Olivia. Or both of them. "They gave me a week of paid leave," She said. "That desk is going to be overflowing by the time I get back."

"You love it, Katie, everyone of these cards says the precinct wouldn't run without you."

"Yeah; without my coffee and prompt mail delivery the NYPD would simply fall apart."

Bonnie giggled and kept packing up cards. "Where's Elliot's?" She said offhandedly.

"What?" Katie said a little quicker than would appear normal.

"Elliot's card... unless I'm missing it; he's like the only one who hasn't sent you one..." Bonnie re-checked the cards she'd already put away.

Katie knew Elliot hadn't sent her a card; in lieu of that he'd spent most nights after visiting hours closed beside her bed until she fell asleep; it was hard for her to sleep in a dark room, it reminded her of being in that alley with that cretin on top of her. He was always sure to leave before the visiting hours started up, and Ben or Bonnie would be waiting to come in.

"Weird, he was totally freaked out when they brought you in here," Bonnie chuckled, it was easy to see the comical side of things now that Katie was totally fine. "He was so pissed, I thought his head might blow off, kept pacing... then, of course, Ben showed up and acted exactly the same way..." Her comment was just that; a comment that had just come into her head, and she hadn't realized the connection between the two men's actions until that second. She looked to Katie; waiting for her to say something, anything, that would prove her mind wrong. Instead; she saw guilt all over her sister's face. "Katie... are you... and Elliot... is there...?"

Her mouth squirming into a twisted smile, Katie nodded. "Yeah." She admitted; feeling the weight of the last few months lift up off her shoulders, and immediately it was replaced with fear. "We're... seeing each other."

Bonnie's eyes were bulging out of her head, her mouth hanging open as she tried to form a coherent sentence. "But... he's... you two... what... he's married!" She snapped in a harsh whisper, pushing the door to their room closed so they had some privacy.

"They're getting divorced." Katie said, even she knew how desperate and weak that sounded.

"And what about Ben?"

"I know, ok?" Katie suddenly snapped. "I know! It's a terrible thing that I'm doing! And I know how bad it is; and I keep doing it," She laughed at herself. "It's insane!"

"Yes, yes it is insane." Bonnie wholly agreed. "Ben is a good man and he adores you; how can you do this to him? What did he do to you?"

"Nothing! He did nothing!" Katie cried. "He did absolutely nothing. He loves me, and I love someone else, but I stay with him," She laughed again, even less humour than the first time. "It's like some pathetic, sad, Lifetime movie."

Bonnie was speechless for all of five seconds, her face morphing into what could only be described as disappointment.

"Please don't do that." Katie begged. "Don't look at me like that."

"I'm sorry," Bonnie couldn't wipe the expression on her face. "I can't... I love you, Katie. But I can't be around you right now."

With that, she was gone, out the door, leaving Katie alone with her box of Get Well cards, wilting flowers, and half-packed bag.

Feeling tears in her eyes, and grateful she was alone; Katie sat on her bed and wept out her sorrows. Bonnie wouldn't tell Ben; Katie knew that, and it was one of the reasons she was so angry; she would now have to lie to Ben.

"Katie; what's wrong?" Matt was suddenly in front of her, she hadn't heard him come into the room. "Are you okay?"

"No," Katie sniffled, smiled and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "I'm sleeping with Elliot." She said, laughing, and then dissolving into a fit of tears.

* * *

Matt didn't ask Katie anything more until they were out of the hospital and had pulled into Katie's guest parking spot under her apartment building. He clicked off the engine, and turned to her. "So?"

"I don't wanna talk about..."

"Too bad; you have to." Matt pushed. "Not only do you work together, but he's in the middle of a divorce and you are completely attached, from the way Ben was hanging off of you at the hospital."

"I don't need you to tell me how wrong it is, Matt." Katie snapped.

"But then why?"

"I don't know!" Katie suddenly cried so loud she felt her own voice reverberate off the closed windows. "I don't know! And I do not need this from you, ok? I don't know why I did it; why I'm still doing it, and why I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna stop anytime soon, alright? So I need you to just stop judging me and stop asking the World's Stupidest Questions." Her voice hung in the air, Matt just giving her a strange look, her sudden rage having completely discombobulated him for the moment.

"Let's get you upstairs." He said a moment later.

Cheeks burning both in anger and embarrassment, Katie climbed out of the car with her purse and her pillow, Matt took her bag from the back of his car and the pair silently rode the elevator from the parking lot right up to Katie's apartment level. At her door was a basket of muffins from her neighbour and best friend, Alexis, who said in a note that she was at work but would stop in on the way home.

The muffins being there struck Katie as a little odd. Why hadn't Bonnie brought them in? Even if she was mad, she would have done something, like eat them all; or bring them into the house and toss them in the bin; not just leave them out in the hall. Katie let herself into the apartment and saw nothing was different, so Bonnie hadn't come home at all after their argument. It wasn't uncommon; she was big on the 'take a walk after a fight' thing; especially now that she was pregnant. Plus, she was always walking around Central Park since she'd moved in with Katie; so she let her worry switch back to what she was going to do now. She could count on Bonnie to keep the secret. She trusted Matt, but she didn't know if he had an obligation to tell the Captain; who would then have to talk with herself and Elliot... and seeing as everyone around Katie at work was a detective; it wouldn't take them long to put two and two together.

Matt stashed Katie's back in her bedroom and then joined her in the living room; she was curled up on one of her couches and looked dejected. "Do you love him?"

Katie didn't see the point in lying anymore. "Yeah, I think I do."

"I was talking about Ben..." Matt said, eyes narrowing. "You're in love with Elliot?"

Exhausted, Katie could only shrug and sigh at Matt, knowing her eyes were about to betray her and spill with tears again. "I love Ben... but I don't... Elliot... it's different."

"I... dunno what you want me to say."

"Nothing. I want you to say nothing; because there is nothing I haven't heard from myself in the mirror. And I don't stop... because I don't want to... and I know it's not fair to Ben." She paused. "Or to you and Katie to have to keep it a secret..."

"Katie..."

"Please, Matt, _please_ do not tell anyone yet. I don't know if Elliot's wife knows, or his kids... and it should come from him because he wants to tell them, not because he _has_ to."

Matt pursed his lips together. "You should take your own advice." He said slowly. "Tell Ben." He picked up a folded, blue blanket off the loveseat, spread it out and laid it over Katie's small body; she looked so tiny since she'd been in the hospital. Leaning in, he gently kissed her forehead and tucked the blanket up under her chin.

"Thank you, so much... for everything." Katie managed to say as her eyes grew heavy; she hadn't had one good night's sleep at the hospital, the nurses woke her every few hours to do a blood test or take her blood pressure, now she just wanted to sleep; properly, in her own home, with no one, not Matt, not Elliot or Bonnie, to bother her.

Vaguely she heard Matt leave, calling out as he did, but after she heard the door shut, she pressed back on her chair so it reclined, cuddled her blanket to her chest and fell into what must have been a very heavy sleep; because she didn't hear Bonnie come home.

**xxx**


	11. Chapter 11: Fallen

**Chapter 11: Fallen  
**

It had been almost a week since Katie had been out of hospital, and Elliot knew Ben was staying with her so he had kept his distance until that weekend. The kids went with Kathy to her sister's for a birthday party, Elliot wasn't welcome there, and he knew that. So instead he made his way to Katie's apartment.

She had called him in a slight panic at work during the week, saying that both Matt and Bonnie knew about them, but she believed they would both keep it a secret. He wondered why Katie was distancing herself from him, even just for this week; it was a gap that he'd noticed. He'd gotten used to her at work over the years, seeing her smile and the way she breezed through the day, and now when he glanced over at her desk and knew that she had chosen him, that he was allowed to be as intimate as possible with her... it just made him that much happier to get up in the morning.

There was something about her that he'd never felt before, something strangely new. He'd had crushes on women who had worked at the station before, hell he couldn't deny he'd felt a little something for Olivia when they'd first been paired up; but thinking of her like that now could make him nauseous; Olivia was family. His best friend.

Katie was something else.

He wondered if it was the happiness in her eyes. Yes, she worked at a police station; but she didn't have to physically and verbally deal with murderers, rapists and child molesters on a daily basis; her eyes didn't have that dark cloud through them that all SVU Detectives seemed to get. They remained that innocent, pale blue of the clearest ocean; not scarred by seeing the worst of human behaviour.

Maybe it was naivety that kept her so innocent, or rather untouched, by the brutality of the world they both worked within; it was what made her so special; so coveted. She was a glimmer of light; something that proved to Elliot daily, that no matter how bad the criminal, there was still humanity in the world; still right before his eyes. She could smile on a day that Elliot would have wanted the ground to swallow him up whole.

And what he admired most was that this was just how she was. She hadn't changed, she hadn't adapted, and she hadn't let the horrific details stain her life. She wasn't blind to them; but she wouldn't let them affect her. And not in a way that made her closed off; she was just the opposite.

Elliot couldn't pinpoint the moment he had fallen for her. It was before their first physical encounter... before he'd even realized he'd been sexually attracted to her... surely not from the day they met... she had been so sickeningly cheerful to Elliot back then. He remembered thinking that a few months working with the scum that he dealt with day in day out and that would change her, for sure. She'd be out of there as fast as her legs would carry her.

Instead; she'd proved him wrong, something she now did almost subconsciously. Not only had she toughed it out; she'd improved the workplace, at least for Elliot. She was genuinely upbeat and positive, not something Elliot expected from a girl whose father had been murder red when she was a child, whose mother was in ill-health and with a sister who had an unpredictable wild streak... and that's something that drew Elliot in; she was fascinating. How could she be this way? How did her mind and heart work to keep get her through the tougher days? She made him so curious... she made him think about her; without realizing it. She wasn't overtly seductive, or flirtatious, even though with her youthful beauty she could very well have been; she was just... Katie. And he loved her.

The problem was; she loved someone else. And without even realizing that this would be his mission when he arrived at Katie's apartment that night, knowing that Ben was probably right in the next room, he knew he had to tell her, and she had to make a decision. His divorce would be final in a few weeks now, but he and Kathy had been having problems for years, she was just the one who had finally had the balls to say enough is enough. Elliot didn't care if it was PC for him to want Katie so soon after a divorce, even though he'd wanted her for much longer, and he didn't care what anyone thought. Not right now; right now he wanted to know if she felt what he felt. If she didn't...

His heart pounding, Elliot hit the doorbell, hoping that Ben wouldn't answer. He was a nice guy, and a smart one... Elliot showing up like this might be a massive clue to a question he might already be asking... was Katie still sleeping with Ben? The thought made Elliot uncomfortable... he could understand it; as a way of keeping up appearances... but why didn't she just leave him? Maybe she didn't feel what he felt...

"Elliot?"

He smiled, it was Katie. "Hi," The bruises on her face from the attack were healing well; he told her so. "Bonnie home?"

Katie clucked her tongue. "No, she's not, I think she's gone to stay with our mother; I haven't heard from her since she...found out about us." She paused. "And yes Ben's here." She added in a tone that revealed she knew that was the question he had wanted to ask in the first place. "He's asleep on the couch," She quietly stepped out of her apartment and gently pulled the door shut. "He's been here all week..."

"I love you." Elliot said. He wasn't one to mince words; ramble on about his feelings. It served him no use. He said what he felt; and she would have to deal with it. "I'm in love with you. And I can't stand this." He gestured to her closed door, to her partner inside. "I can't do it anymore. If you don't love me; we'll end it. But I won't do this anymore."

She looked stunned, he'd expected she might, her eyes were wide and puzzled; this was obviously the last thing she had expected to hear when she opened her front door.

"I..." She could barely get that one word out. "I... you are..."

Elliot shook his head. "Don't answer like that. Tell me straight up, Katie. I'm not gonna tell you to take your time, make a decision while I wait around. To me this is real. You're either in or out." He waited; the seconds painfully ticking by in silence as Katie's eyes just grew more and more tearful; and the longer it went on, the more Elliot had his answer. Swallowing the hard lump in his throat, Elliot managed to speak one final sentence. "Have a good night," He said looking away from her and making a beeline for the elevator.

There. He'd done it. Laid it on the line. She said no. Well; she said nothing... and that actually felt worse.

Elliot felt some sort of numbness through his body as he rode the elevator down to the parking garage, he had to rest back against the rear of the elevator and hang onto the barrier to keep his balance, his legs felt like jelly. He hadn't realized her rejection would do this to him... but then again he hadn't felt this way about someone since Kathy, and that was when he was eighteen.

The elevator doors opened, forcing Elliot to use his legs and get out of here. He heard footsteps coming from his left, life on the force had taught him to be alert so he whirled around with his fists tight...

"In." Katie said.

Elliot unclenched and registered that it was her standing before him. "What?"

"I'm in." She smiled and took a step towards him, puffing heavily like she'd run a marathon.

Glancing over her shoulder, Elliot saw the fire escape door was wide open; she'd run down the stairs to catch him before he left. His mind was working overtime. She'd run down to stop him... to tell him that she felt the same way... their affair wasn't just an affair. It meant something to her, too. "Are you sure?" He asked, forcing himself not to grin.

Her eyes glistened, that perfect blue, looking more like an ocean than before, now with her tears shining in them. She nodded firmly, smiling. "I'm in."

**xxx**


	12. Chapter 12: And She'll Go

**Chapter 12: And She'll Go**

When Katie ended things with Ben; it went about as well as she expected... which was not well at all. She had to admit to him that those feelings he felt, the ones that he believed Katie reciprocated, only went one-way. She didn't feel the same way anymore; and it was unfair of her to be with someone she didn't completely care about.

Ben, however, was angrier than Katie had ever seen him; she didn't know he'd even had a side like this. "Where has this come from, Katie?" He yelled as they stood a foot from each other in her living room. "I mean, what the hell?"

"I'm sorry." Katie said for the tenth time. "I just... I can't do this anymore; it's not fair to you."

"I don't believe you." He snapped cruelly.

Now Katie was the one to be annoyed. "What the hell does that mean? Would you rather I stayed with you and lied my way through our lives? I won't do that, Ben, and you shouldn't either!"

"I'm not lying!" Ben bellowed, his words echoing through the stillness of the empty apartment. The fact that she hadn't answered was, in itself, an answer. "You're lying...?"

"Ben-"

"What is it? Another guy? Who?" Now he had an idea in his head; he wasn't letting it go. "Are you seeing someone else?"

"It doesn't matter, Ben!"

"Who is it?" Ben yelled; her refusal to say she had been faithful to him a gigantic clue to him that she had apparently cheated on him. "Who?"

"You have to leave." Katie said, managing to turn herself away from him and head towards the door; hoping he would follow. "Give me your key and get out." She knew she was being callous; but he wasn't exactly agreeable at the moment... not that Katie could blame him. It was her fault he was acting like this; but that didn't mean she had to stand there and take it. "Please don't make this harder than it is."

Still in shock, Ben ambled towards the door. "How... can you do this?" He said quietly as he hung by the door; fumbling around in his pocket for the spare key Katie had given him months ago.

"I don't know what else I can say."

"Simple; don't say anything." He said, stepping out into the hallway. "Let me back inside."

"I really am sorry, Ben," Katie said sincerely. "And you might not understand it right now; but I am doing this because I care about-"

If Ben wasn't the man he was, he might have spat at her, cursed at her, hell, even smacked her. "Just stop it!" His voice was low but cut Katie right off. "You didn't do this for me... you did this for you." He managed to smile; or smirk would be more accurate. "Have a good life, Katie."

Alexis had showed up so fast Katie hadn't even seen her until she had her arms around her best friend and neighbour. Alexis led Katie back to her apartment, sitting Katie on the reclining chair by her old TV and retreating to her tiny kitchen to get the pair of them a drink. Katie poured her heart out to Alexis, told her everything, but it turned out Alexis had suspicions of her own. Apparently Elliot sneaking in and out of the apartment building at all hours had been a big clue. She wasn't surprised when Katie confessed to the affair; but she was sympathetic. She knew how Katie felt about Ben, and it must have been one hell of something with Elliot to make her end things. Ben was the perfect man; the all-American with boyish good looks who had been raised to respect women implicitly; he was the husband every mother would want her daughter to marry.

"Elliot must be fantastic in bed," Alexis said; an attempt at humour; but the look on Katie's face said she was definitely not in the mood to laugh about the situation yet. "I'm your best friend, Katie, I'll say whatever you want me to."

"Nothing; I don't want you to say anything." Katie muttered into her beer bottle.

"Ok..." Alexis swigged from her drink. "But I will say this... you did the right thing... well; first you did the wrong thing... but ending things with Ben was the _right_ thing to do. And you know that; that's why you feel so crappy."

"You always talk so much when I ask you to be quiet?"

"Do you not know me?" Alexis smirked.

Sighing, Katie flopped back into Alexis's recliner. "I wish Bonnie would call me."

"She's not talking to you?"

Katie shook her head and took another gulp of beer. "Mum said she called her; said she was coming to stay. I guess she's really pissed at me..."

"No offence... but isn't she a drug addict who got knocked up by her abusive boyfriend?"

Katie shot her a very offended look. "She's smart. Yes, she made mistakes but she's well aware of them..." She exhaled loudly. "Ok, maybe it is a little rich for her to react like she did but I don't care. I just wish she'd talk to me."

"Well, then you call her." Alexis suggested. "You're the big sister; call the shots."

Nodding, Katie finished her beer and got to her feet. "You're right. I'm gonna call her. Whatever she has to say to me she can say to my face."

"Godspeed!" Alexis tipped her beer bottle towards Katie as her friend let herself out of the apartment.

Katie retreated into her apartment, wishing she couldn't still smell Ben's aftershave in the air, and went straight for the phone speed-dialling her mother, ignoring the hungry mews of her two cats slinking into the kitchen. One beer wasn't enough to make Katie drunk; but it did calm her initial nerves that her sister might pick up the phone on the other end, and then promptly hang up. But she didn't, Katie was grateful to hear her mother's voice reply to her. "Hey, Mum, is Bonnie there?" She imagined her sister had told her mother about the affair... or maybe not... she might be mad, but Bonnie kept her word. Granted, she hadn't specifically said she wouldn't spill about the affair...

"No; I thought she was with you?" Paget said to her daughter.

Katie cocked her head to the side. "What? Why would you think that?"

"She sent me a text message saying she changed her mind... wasn't coming to stay with me anymore."

"When?"

"A couple of days ago," Paget said. "Is she not there?"

Katie's heart began to race. No, Bonnie wasn't there. But that didn't mean anything; she was probably on her way... maybe she'd gone back to PA to get the rest of her things... or met up with a friend... or told Paget she was going to Katie when really she was going somewhere else; that was believable. Bonnie and Paget never really did well staying in the same place together for too long; and Bonnie was mad at Katie... of course she'd lie... and so would Katie, because otherwise her mother would worry. "Oh, hang on," Katie said, getting out her cell phone from her pocket as if her mother was right in front of her. "I have a text from her, too. Yeah; she's coming in tonight. Sorry, Ma, I've just been a little frazzled."

"That's alright, honey." Paget had suffered another bout of pneumonia and hadn't been able to travel into the hospital to see Katie when she was admitted, but Katie and Ben had kept her updated. "When do you go back to work?"

Katie spent ten more minutes on the phone with her mother, trying to have a normal conversation with her, all the while trying to text and call Bonnie on her cell phone. Her sister didn't answer. When she was finished on the phone to Paget, Katie took a shower and got ready for bed, texting Bonnie one last time.

_"I don't care if u txt back a whole bunch of curse words; just let me know ur ok."_

That would get a response, even if it was just "Fuck off", and for some reason that made Katie a little less anxious, and with the aid of that one beer she'd had, she fell into a somewhat easy sleep after her exhausting day.

* * *

Something was wrong. Very wrong.

Bonnie didn't answer her text at all. Two days after she'd lied to her mother; Katie was still trying to contact her sister with no avail. And even though she wasn't due in to work until the next afternoon, she made her way to the precinct.

"Olivia!" She yelled frantically as soon as she saw the detective walking to her desk.

"Hey, thought you weren't due back til-"

"Bonnie's gone!" Katie interrupted her. "I can't find her, I've called her and she won't answer, it's been days, and she-she would call. She would call me!"

"Ok, ok, Katie?" Olivia put her hands on Katie's shoulders. "You need to calm down; alright?"

"I can't just calm down!"

"What's going on?" Elliot was behind Katie and touched the small of her back. "What's wrong?"

"It's Bonnie." Katie tried to sound calm as she explained to both Olivia and Elliot that they'd had an argument and she hadn't seen or heard from her sister since.

When Katie started gathering a swarm of onlookers, Olivia led her into one of the interview rooms in the back, thankfully not one of the ugly, stale ones with the one-way mirror; it was ones of the ones that Katie frequented when she led family members to wait, or sat with children while their parents made statements... one of her few territories in the precinct.

Katie was alone with Olivia, and she knew Olivia would ask her why she and Katie had argued, what had they fought over. Katie thought at first to be vague, just be general in her statements so she wasn't lying... but she knew that any information she withheld could be important to the case, even if it didn't sound like it; she'd heard _that_ speech from every cop in the office.

So when Olivia asked her what the fight was about, Katie didn't hold back. "I've been sleeping with Elliot." She said, watching Olivia's face as her beautiful eyes grew round and her brows arched.

"What?"

"For a few months." Katie confessed, shifting uncomfortably. "And when Bonnie found out she was so angry with me... she left me at the hospital..."

"Ah..." Olivia's brain was obviously spinning; but at the same time she had to keep her mind on the job. "Ok... well... when did you last hear from her?"

"That day at the hospital; the day I was released." Katie said. "Matt drove me home, and when I got there Katie wasn't around; I figured she was walking; letting off steam; she does that. But... but she never came home. At first I thought I was just missing her, like she was purposely dodging me... and then I spoke to my mother; she said Bonnie called her and said she was going there to stay." Hurriedly, Katie explained the rest to Olivia, the fact that Bonnie hadn't actually spoken to Katie or Paget seemed to concern Olivia. "I have no idea where to look, Olivia."

"Does she have any friends in the city?"

"Yeah, a few... she was going to this prenatal breathing class, she met some women there... and she seems to know more people in my apartment building than I do..."

"What about her boyfriend?"

Katie caught Olivia's eyes; the boyfriend who had impregnated her sister and then beaten her to a bloody pulp mere months before. "Marcus Wembly." She said. "I only know his name; and that he and Bonnie lived together when she was at Penn State. She said he didn't know she came to live with me."

"Could he have followed her?"

Katie shook her head. "No... maybe... it's been months; why would he show up now?"

"Maybe he had a change of heart about the baby... wanted to reconcile?"

Fear rose in Katie's throat. "Oh God... Bonnie would never go back to him... but if she said no to him? I mean..." Her eyes flushed with tears. "You saw what he did to her last time."

"Hey, don't think the worst, ok?" Olivia said calmly. "I'll make some calls; you wait here." She smiled and rose to her feet.

"Liv?" Katie wiped her hand across her cheek to remove the tears. "You didn't say anything... about Elliot..."

Olivia shrugged, and smiled weakly. "I don't think there's anything I can say... you're both adults."

"I broke up with my boyfriend." Katie told her; suddenly feeling extremely immature, like she was involved in teenage love triangle.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me." Olivia said formally. "Your life is your life."

Though she was smiling, as forced as it was, Katie knew Olivia disapproved. Hell; everyone disapproved. No one was happy for her; and that was okay. She could deal with that. Right now, her mind was just on Bonnie. She needed to find her sister.

"Hey."

When Elliot entered the room, Katie read the look on his face. "Olivia told you she knows."

Elliot nodded. "Yeah... I think she's more pissed that she wasn't the first to know..."

"Have you heard from Bonnie?" Katie knew it was early; but a call from a cop might startle her sister into contacting her.

"No; nothing yet, we're tracking down the boyfriend."

"So," Katie shrugged. "What are you doing in here then?" She just watched him as he pulled a chair up beside her, sat down, reached over and held her hand.

"I'm waiting with you." He said calmly, with a sympathetic smile.

For some reason, this simple act touched Katie right in the depths of her heart. It was an unnecessary thing for him to have done, he could just be out there in the pit searching for Bonnie, but instead he was in here, making sure she was okay.

It was the first moment Katie had felt good about ending things with Ben; it was her first sign she had made the right decision.

**xxx**


	13. Chapter 13: If I Lost You

**Chapter 13: If I Lost You  
**

Katie didn't leave the precinct for two days.

Olivia and Elliot tried and failed to track down Marcus; considering he was in another city it was almost expected. They could only hope that Bonnie would show up again and be able to accuse him; then they could arrest him.

Katie felt a strange sense of calm being at the office when she wasn't working; even amidst her stress. Instead of her bringing the detectives coffee; they brought some to her, kept her company. It seemed common knowledge now that she and Elliot had a relationship; it was in the snide glances some of the more senior detectives gave her, or the twinkle in the eye of the younger, female police officers who harboured some form of attraction to Elliot. No one said anything, though, and that was discomforting.

Olivia brought Katie chamomile tea on her third straight afternoon sitting around the office. "Too much caffeine will have you bouncing off the walls." She said; pushing the cup into Katie's hands.

"Where is she?" Katie was sitting by the window, looking out aimlessly into the bustling city like some Harlequin novel cliché.

"We'll find her."

Katie pushed herself off from the window sill and busied herself with the task of gulping down the tea. "Can you stop with the Detective Benson BS, please?" She muttered, resting her weary head in the crook of her elbow.

"I think I should take you home." Olivia replied gently.

"I'm not leaving here without my sister." Katie said resolutely, although her body chose that moment to make her yawn.

"You need to sleep." Olivia said. "_Proper_ sleep; and holing up in the crib won't do you any good; those beds are ancient." The room out the back full of beds for the police to get some shut eye on cases that stretched over a few days was commonly referred to as the crib. "You know we'll keep you informed."

That was true, Katie knew that... and her tired body ached for her comfy mattress, even if it did remind her of Ben. "Fine." She agreed; stifling another yawn.

Hiding a triumphant smile, Olivia put her arm around Katie and lead her out of the precinct, passed the curious eyes and apologetic smiles; all the way down to the basement and settled her in the passenger's seat of her car. Olivia had a very natural, maternal attitude, Katie had always thought that; she was the kind of woman who deserved to have a child.

Katie assured Olivia when they got to her apartment block, that she was more than capable of making it upstairs, but Olivia wouldn't take no for an answer and partnered her up the elevator.

"You will call me; straight away, if you hear anything." Katie said firmly as the elevator bell dinged and let them out on her floor.

"Of course." Olivia said patiently as they headed down the hall to Katie's door. "Wait." Olivia suddenly pulled Katie back.

Too tired to pay attention, Katie shot Olivia an annoyed look and saw her staring at a spot on the door. Following the detective's gaze, Katie saw what her friend was looking at. A blood smear across the door handle.

Forgetting everything she knew about tainting evidence and crime scenes, Katie burst through the door knowing that she would find Bonnie injured inside. "Bonnie!" She cried out, swinging left right away into the former guest room that had since become Bonnie's own.

Her sister was there; curled up in a tight ball on her bed. Blood was soaking from the gash in her cheek into her pillow; her face was bruised, her legs were cut, and she was unconscious.

"Oh, God!" Katie flung herself at her sister, vaguely registering Olivia's panicked voice radioing for an ambulance to Katie's address. "Bonnie?" Katie gently touched her sister's face; causing Bonnie to flinch; an act of life that calmed Katie immediately. "Hey; it's okay, it's me." She took her sister's hand and squeezed it. "We'll get you to a hospital, ok? You'll be fine."

"Bonnie," Olivia was kneeling beside the bed, concerned. "Who did this to you?"

"M-Marcus," Bonnie stammered. "He-he grabbed me when I we-went to mum's... t-took my ph-phone..."

Katie held a hand to her sister's swollen stomach, feeling the frantic movements of her unborn niece or nephew inside. At least her belly wasn't bruised; Marcus had enough sense to keep his child safe... but not Bonnie... why her? Why hurt her? What did she do?

The questions remained unanswered, Bonnie fell into a deep sleep that even the paramedics couldn't rouse her from. Stained in her sister's blood, Katie sat beside her on the ride to the hospital, clutching her hand the entire time.

At the emergency room; the doctors took Bonnie straight into an exam area and refused Katie entry. Instead she was forced into the waiting room where Olivia convinced her to change her shirt, and offered her the grey, zip-up jacket she had in the back seat of her car. Katie was too worried to feel self-conscious that all she now wore under Liv's jacket was her bra, she was too worried to sit down and just paced back and forth in the hideously bare waiting room. It seemed like forever until the doctor finally came into get Katie.

Dr. Hedley was kind, and very experienced. His face had deep laugh lines and crow's feet; even though his youthful hair gave the appearance of a man whose job had made him age faster than a person would prefer. He took Katie and Olivia aside. "You're Bonnie's sister?" He asked Katie.

"Yes," Katie said.

"I'm Detective Benson with Special Victims," Olivia said, flashing her badge, "Tell us what happened to her."

"She was beaten, severely." Dr. Hedley said. "She has a blunt force trauma wound to her head; cuts from glass on her legs and welts on her thighs, like she was whipped..."

Katie almost passed out in rage, but instead shoved her thumb nail in her mouth and bit down on it.

"She also has puncture wounds in her arms."

"From drug use?" Olivia asked.

"I'm not sure; there are no drugs in her system, and from the bruising around the marks I would say she struggled."

"Someone tried to forcefully inject drugs into her?" Olivia said, eyes widening. "Did she say who?" It was protocol to ask; even if Olivia knew who had inflicted the injuries.

Dr. Hedley nodded. "_She kept saying Marcus Wembly attacked me. Tell my sister it was Marcus_."

"Can I see her?"

"She's resting now; we're putting her in a room in paediatrics."

Katie felt awful; she hadn't even asked about the baby. "Oh, God, is the baby okay?"

"Seems to be fine." Dr. Hedley said. "But we'll monitor her over night; she may have internal bleeding that won't present for a few hours."

"But she'll be okay?"

Dr. Hedley nodded. "I believe so."

Katie could have hugged him; but suppressed the urge and instead just asked him what room her sister was in.

* * *

Katie fell asleep at Bonnie's bedside, but only a light sleep, because as soon as Bonnie moved Katie's eyes opened in a flash. "Bon?" She said quietly, gently tugging her sister's hand closer to her chest. "Hey," She smiled as her sister slowly turned her head so they were eye to eye.

Anticipating her big sister's next question, Bonnie replied right away. "I'm fine." She said tearfully. "Just tired." She couldn't seem to control the shaking in her voice. "It's all still a blur..."

Katie nodded, squeezing her sister's delicate fingers. "What can I do?"

Bonnie smiled as tears welled in her eyes. "That's just it," She whispered. "You can't do anything. No one can."

"Of course not." Katie said; what could she or anyone do to help that they weren't already doing? She felt stupid for even asking the question.

"I didn't feel anything..." Bonnie continued a moment later. "When he hit me the first time... it was my head... and after that... everything was numb... I remember him trying to inject me... he was screaming at me," She drew in a ragged breath. "Saying I couldn't leave our old life behind and start again; that I had to suffer with him... I tried to pull my arm away..."

"You did," Katie firmly assured her. "He didn't inject you with anything."

"I didn't even know how bad it was until I hit the ground..." Bonnie's eyes went dark. "So much blood..." She tried to take deep breath to steady herself; but it didn't really have an effect. "I was helpless."

Unable to reply, Katie just nodded, and had to look away from her sister to shield her from the tears pooling in her eyes. In the corner of the room, Katie saw Olivia, standing there and was suddenly so grateful. She'd heard everything; which meant Bonnie wouldn't have to repeat it. At least, not right away.

"Is the baby ok?"

Katie nodded. "Fine. Both of you will be fine."

"Bonnie?" Olivia moved forwards. "Do you remember me?"

"Of course, Olivia," Bonnie said with a weak smile.

"Do you feel up to answering some questions; to help us find Marcus?"

Bonnie nodded bravely. "Of course."

Olivia gave Katie a look; one that said it was best for family members not to sit in on interviews like this; because sometimes the victim would withhold information that they felt would hurt their spouse/parent/child/sibling to have to hear.

"I'll go and talk with your doctor," Katie said, leaning over to kiss Bonnie's forehead and letting Olivia take her seat.

Dr. Hedley was writing in a chart at the nurse's station when Katie spied him. She hadn't spoken to him since she'd been allowed into Bonnie's room; and he knew what she was after as soon as he saw her coming. "I just got back your sister's x-rays;" Dr Hedley said, directing her back down the hallway. "No neck or spinal cord injuries."

Katie let out the tight breath she'd been keeping in. "So she's gonna be okay?"

"She's got some severe bruising and a concussion," The doctor continued. "I'd like to run some more tests and keep her at least overnight."

Katie nodded as he answered his beeping pager. "Of course; thank you."

"Katie," Elliot called her name as he rounded the corner. "Where's Olivia?"

"Talking with Bonnie, why?"

"We just found Marcus," Elliot said. "Sonuvabitch just turned himself in."

**xxx**


	14. Chapter 14: What I Promised Her

_AN - Contains Bec's OC Matt Vaughn :):) _

**Chapter 14: What I Promised Her**

Elliot and Olivia peered at Marcus through the one-way glass in the interview room where Munch had stashed him. They were both just staring at him. He didn't look like they expected; or at least how Elliot expected. He was on the short side, almost classically handsome, with golden blonde hair, and his clothes were casual but smart. He didn't look like the kind of drug addict Elliot normally dealt with.

"He just turned himself in?" Olivia asked Munch, who was just behind them.

"Said he wanted to report his missing girlfriend," Munch replied. "As soon as he said Bonnie's name, the whole precinct looked at him. He turned to run; so we stuck him in here."

"Stupider than he looks." Elliot muttered, heading for the door inside.

"El, maybe I should go in first?" Olivia offered.

"I got it," He assured her, steeling himself as he walked into Marcus's tired but frantic blue eyes. "Hey, Marcus, what's up?"

"Why am I here?" The wirey young man asked.

"You're looking for Bonnie Summers, right?" Elliot asked calmly. "You beat the crap out of her; and now she's in the hospital."

Marcus rolled his eyes. "Is that what she told you? She's lying! _She_ came back to _me_!"

"Cos you're such a charmer," Elliot said sarcastically, pulling up a chair right next to Marcus. "So you're saying you didn't rough her up?"

"You don't know her, man, you have _no idea_!" Marcus lowered his voice and hung his head. "I met her like two years ago... she was so hot... night I met her she was wearing these red leather pants... she had me right away."

"What happened?"

"She liked to party, alright? There was nothing she wouldn't snort once. It was... epic." He fidgeted in his chair. "Then she got pregnant..."

"She wanted to clean up for her baby?"

"It wasn't fair; I didn't get a say!" Marcus seethed. "I don't want a kid; but that doesn't seem to matter to her. She didn't care about anything I said anymore... said she had a sister who lived here and was gonna move out..."

"You couldn't let that happen; she was yours." Elliot's mind flashed back to that night he and Olivia had arrived at Katie's apartment, her frantic call to them saying her sister had been attacked... it was during that experience that Elliot and Katie had first slept together. It was the one good thing to come out of the situation. "So you beat her up; and she runs anyway."

"Look..." Marcus sighed. "When I'm using... I'm a different guy, alright? She'll tell you that. I didn't mean to... it was like I didn't know what happened..." He slumped in his chair. "And then a few days ago she's back... I got this new girl, Hannah... she was pissed... Bonnie tells her that she's having my kid, that I'm a junkie, Hannah took off."

"So it's Bonnie's fault you beat her."

"Hey; she liked it rough!"

"Liked it?" Elliot repeated with a snarl. "She's in hospital; you did that to her, you little prick!"

"I didn't... she asked for it!"

Elliot grabbed the table and shoved it back; sticking his face right up to Marcus's nose. "You're gonna rot in jail; you sick bastard. Did you know her sister works for us?" Marcus shot him a blank look. "Yeah; you bashed the sister of a NYPD employee..." Elliot felt an evil smirk creep on his face. "You got no chance."

"That'll be all!" Marcus's pricey lawyer, Steven Lindsey, breezed into the room and told his client to shut his mouth. "Leave us alone, will you detective?"

"Gladly." Elliot mumbled, storming out of the room, past Olivia and back out onto the floor. Matt met him at his desk. "Not a good time, man," He said, leaning against his desk. His heart was pumping blood throughout his body so fast adrenaline was rushing to his brain; he wanted so badly to punch the ever living snot out of Marcus for what he'd done; but he couldn't.

"The hospital's called here twice looking for Katie," He said. "You heard from her?"

"Ah, I dropped her off at her apartment on my way back here, told her to get some sleep... what did the doctor say?"

"Just that he needs to see Katie." Matt said with a concerned look. "Right now."

**xxx**

Elliot and Matt picked up a bewildered and tired Katie from her apartment and drove her to the hospital. They had woken her out of a deep sleep; so she was still a little dazed in the back of Elliot's car. He felt pity for her as he glanced at her in the rear-view mirror; she'd had the same expression on her face all week. What killed him was there was nothing he could do to make her feel any better; he knew that, which made it worse for him.

By the time Elliot pulled into the hospital parking lot, Katie was wide awake and verbally voicing her concern for Bonnie. She wanted to know about Marcus; but Elliot was bound by oath not to tell her anything even though all he wanted to do was ease her mind and assure her the bastard would never get outside the walls of a prison for the rest of his life. But he didn't. He and Matt just trailed after her as they made their way to the paediatric ward.

"Dr Hedley?" Katie saw him at the end of the hall and rushed towards him.

"Katie," The doctor said, a grave expression on his face as he looked to her. "We tried to reach you at the station. Your sister had abdominal bleeding - from the beating. She went into labour, and we discovered the extent-

Katie's face dropped. "The baby?"

"A girl. Eight weeks premature. It's... touch and go." Even though this was apparently good news, the doctor's face didn't change, even though Katie was smiling with relief.

Elliot suddenly had to sit down; he knew what was coming. The expression on the doctor's face was one he'd seen too many times in the past.

Dr. Hedley reached out and rested his hand on Katie's shoulder. "We did our best..." he said slowly. "Your sister... the added stress of labour... and the c-section..."

Katie's smile evaporated. "Wait... what are you telling me here...?"

"Oh, God," Matt muttered under his breath, turning away.

Dr. Hedley shook his head. "I'm sorry."

Katie's face drained of all colour. "She's-she's dead?" An awful few seconds of silence passed as the reality sank in. "My sister's dead?"

Elliot dropped his face into his hands as Katie backed away from the doctor.

"Oh, God!" She looked helplessly around, shoving off Matt's hands that reached to hug her. "Oh, my God!" She started off down the hall; as if walking would ease the shock.

"Katie," Elliot jumped to his feet after her. "Stop." She was sobbing, pacing back and forth, completely thrown as to what to do, she was lost, broken. "I'm sorry," Elliot forced her into his arms even though she struggled against him. "I'm so sorry."

"No, no, no," Katie wept into his shoulder, gripping his jacket into her tight fists. "She can't... I was just talking to her!"

"I know, I'm so sorry," He was suddenly holding her whole body weight as her legs gave way. Clutching her shoulders, he pulled her aside to a padded bench. She barely registered she was sitting down.

"I should've seen it coming!" She sniffled. "I should have known he'd come after her; why didn't I protect her? I'm her sister; I should have protected her."

"None of this is your fault," Elliot said, tightening his arms around her. "It's gonna be okay."

"How?" Katie asked.

Elliot had no answer for her, but in his head he could answer her. He'd make sure Marcus paid for what he'd done to Bonnie, and now to Katie. That prick was going to pay.

**xxx**


	15. Chapter 15: The Rest Is Forgotten

_AN - Contains Bec's OC Matt Vaughn :):) _

**Chapter 15: The Rest Is Forgotten  
**

Katie was numb. More than numb. Empty. Her sister was gone; had died on a sterile hospital gurney while Katie was sleeping comfortably at him, not knowing her sister and niece were struggling for their lives. She felt useless; a failure. She'd let her baby sister down.

Telling her mother was horrific, but in some ways Katie was glad she was so devoid of emotion; it would have been much more difficult to tell Paget she'd lost her youngest child if Katie was overcome with tears.

She didn't have tears left; they were all gone. And her niece needed her to be strong.

The first time Katie saw the infant, she was so struck by how tiny and beautiful the baby was she almost forgot the dull ache in her heart. She was breathtaking; tiny and pink, little hands gripped into teensy fists on either side of her head as she slept. She had needed oxygen for the first few hours after her birth; but now she was breathing on her own, though still in an incubator.

A million things ran through Katie's mind, all of them contradictory... she had to plan Bonnie's funeral... but the baby needed a cot to sleep in... she had to decide what was going to be on Bonnie's tombstone... but her niece needed a name... it was too much. And with her mother's ailing healthy anyway, Katie knew it was all going to fall on her.

The NICU where Katie's niece was being kept wasn't busy; there were only four infants there. A pair of identical twin boys who were just in for the night for observation, a baby girl who had been born at 28 weeks but was still going strong; Katie had heard the nurses celebrating the fact that the baby had reached her original due date the week before; and of course there was Katie and her niece.

Katie wasn't able to hold her just yet; but she was allowed to touch her. She swayed in an old, but comfortable, rocking chair, with her hand inside the incubator, her little niece's whole fist clutching her forefinger. Katie slept in that rocking chair, stayed in the NICU until she was ushered out by nurses, her little unnamed niece _was_ Bonnie; her embodiment, her life-force. Her blood was Bonnie's blood; Bonnie's blood was Katie's blood... this baby was her blood.

"Katie?"

It had been days since Katie had spoken to Elliot; she was either in the NICU with the baby or sleeping. She didn't know - or really care - where her cell phone was, and she hadn't been home to check for messages. But she wasn't hiding; everyone knew where she was. It was only a matter of time before someone came to find her.

"How is she?"

"Perfect." Katie said, smiling proudly at her strong little girl. "They said she might be able to be moved to the nursery tomorrow."

"She's beautiful." Elliot said, grinning at the infant as he stuck his hand into the other side of the incubator, taking the baby's other hand in his finger. "You got a name for her yet?"

Katie shook her head. "I can't think of anything... but her middle name is Bonnie." She said resolutely.

"I saw Alexis yesterday," Elliot said after a few moments of silence staring at the baby. "She's been keeping your place sorted."

It took Katie a second to answer him. "You went to my apartment?"

"Yeah, your mother sent some stuff over; Alexis called me and asked if I could help her."

"What kind of stuff?"

"A crib, changing table, clothes," Elliot said. "I wasn't sure where you'd want them; but I set them up in your bedroom."

Why this act caused Katie to tear up; she wasn't sure. Maybe because she hadn't cried in so many days; and Elliot's act of pure kindness for her, for the baby, was overwhelming. She only managed a wobbly, smile, but he seemed to take her sentiment and pulled across a chair against the wall so he could sit right by the baby with Katie. At some point he left and she fell asleep; because she woke up with Elliot's jacket draped over her shoulders. A nurse was quietly asking her if she was ready to hold the baby.

Katie's heart lifted for the first time in days, and she nodded excitedly as the nurse opened the side of the incubator. The baby was awake, but dozing, and wasn't happy to be moved. The nurse was somewhat rough with her, in Katie's opinion, but she supposed a woman who worked with babies as a career had better judgement. The baby fussed as the nurse set her in Katie's arms, and then wrapping a soft, white, cotton blanket up under her.

One of the twins started crying, so the nurse left Katie alone with her niece. She didn't know what to say to her... it wouldn't matter in the long run, it wasn't like the baby would remember, but for some reason Katie felt like her first words to the baby were pivotal. "Hi, honey..." she whispered, lifting the baby closer to her face so she could kiss her soft, tender forehead. "I'm... I'm so sorry that your mum isn't here..." She bit her lip as the baby opened her eyes – Bonnie's eyes. "But I'm here, always. And I won't let you down, ever, I promise..."

The name came to her like a sudden memory; like it had been stored in her brain and was waiting for the perfect moment to spring to Katie's mind. It was the name of a song she loved; a name of a beautiful French river, and a name that was always swimming somewhere in Katie's thoughts. "You're mine, Acadia. And I love you so much." She pressed another kiss to her nieces' forehead.

**xxx**

Katie didn't care about the strange looks some of the nurses gave her after she told them to write Acadia Bonnie Summers on her niece's birth certificate. She loved the name, so did Elliot, Matt, Olivia, everyone who Katie actually gave a damn about.

Leaving the father's name unwritten, there was no way she would put Marcus's name down on anything relating to Acadia, Katie was now almost ready to take the baby home. Before that; she had to endure questioning at the precinct. Thankfully it was with Olivia; but it was still painful to have to go through all the details again, of finding Bonnie at the apartment, waking up next to her at the hospital as she told Katie how helpless she had been to Marcus's beating.

After her lengthy interview; Olivia told Katie she should go and see Dr. George Huang, the forensic FBI psychiatrist who often helped out with cases, or whenever there was a serious event that warranted therapy for the detectives.

Katie hadn't seen George in awhile, he'd been on assignment with the FBI, and then with everything that happened with Bonnie. They weren't friends, but friendly. Katie greatly respected him and everything he worked for; and appreciated his offer to talk with her, even though she would rather just shut her mouth, get Acadia and go home; but she didn't. Acadia needed her to be healthy, physically _and_ mentally.

"She is very beautiful," George said, handing Katie back her digital camera that was now full of pictures of her niece. "How did you come up with the name Acadia?"

"My mother, her name's Paget – it's French, too. She used to travel to France with her parents when she was younger, and for some reason a story she told me and Bonnie just kept coming into my head when I looked at the baby." Katie fiddled with the sleeve of her sweater. "The name derives from a Greek word, Arcadia. It means utopia. Idyllic harmony... perfect... first time I saw her... she was so peaceful... she just looked like any other baby." _Not the child of an abusive drug addict and a murdered mother_, she didn't add. "How could a baby with so much crap in her life already; be so peaceful?"

"Children are innocent." George said. "Untouched. A blank slate."

"I don't know what to tell her," Katie admitted. "Do I tell her that her mother died? Do I raise her like my own child?" She wiped at the tears pooling in her eyes. "What do I do? It seems like the only thing I know for sure is that she's coming home with me... but what do I know from babies? I have a job, too, so I'll need a nanny or something, how long do I wait before I go back to work? I just... I don't know what I'm doing here. And on top of all that, I have to bury my little sister..."

"If you want my opinion, Katie, I would say you are handling this extremely well. You acknowledge that your sister's brutal death affects you, and your niece, you are taking the healthiest steps to manage your grief."

"It doesn't make it easier."

"I promise it will get easier," George assured her. "Having Acadia will change your life for the better; I'm sure."

Katie felt better after talking with George, but the session had brought all of her emotions right to her surface. She intended to take a walk, perhaps get a drink, before she went back to visit Acadia, not wanting to bring negative energy around her niece.

Unfortunately, she didn't get her negative energy out of the precinct; because she spotted her sister's murderer being led out in cuffs just ahead of her.

"MARCUS!" Katie bellowed; giving him only a second to turn around before she flew at him, and sent a heavy fist into his jaw. "You killed her you son of a bitch!" She lunged for his neck but was pulled back; someone had their arm around her middle. "You killed her!" She cried out; not caring that every pair of eyes in the vicinity was fixed on her. "Why did you have to kill her? Why _her_? What did she do?" She wrenched and pulled at the arms around her, recognizing the tattoo on Elliot's arm as he tried to pin her down.

"She was alive!" Marcus looked puzzled. "No; she was alive when I left her!"

"You left her to die! I hope you rot in hell you piece of shit!" Katie was lifted off her feet, and tried to squirm out of Elliot's arms, but the man had years of army and police training pumping through his muscled arms; she wasn't going to overpower him. "Let me go!" She twisted and struggled. "Let go of me!" She swivelled her body enough to be able to push her hands off against Elliot's chest; he let her go and she stumbled.

"Katie." Elliot held his hands up; cautious; as if he was worried she would lunge at him, next.

"Why are you all just standing here?" She cried to everyone around her. Elliot, Olivia, the Captain, Munch, Finn, Matt; everyone she worked with had eyes on her. "He killed my sister! Why aren't you doing anything? Why is he still here? Why can't you let me just...?" She threw her arms up and caught her fingers in her hair, tugging at her wavy blonde curls, not caring about the pain it caused her. "I don't understand you all! He killed Bonnie! He needs to pay!"

"Katie; you have to calm down or we'll have to arrest you..." Captain Cragen said gently as he carefully approached her.

Katie let out a hollow laugh. "Of course you will; this bastard murders my sister and _I'm_ the one who gets arrested." She pounced at Marcus again, but Cragen caught her wrist before she could get too close. "You vicious little prick; I will _KILL YOU _for this!"

"Elliot; get her out of here!" Cragen ordered, almost having to toss Katie into Elliot's arms.

Katie wasn't sure what else she screamed at Marcus as Elliot physically dragged her away. He took her to an interview room and pushed her into a chair. She was still yelling, trying to stand up, he had to hold her down by her shoulders to keep her still.

"Katie!" Elliot shook her; hard. "I'm sorry." He said firmly. "I am so sorry about Bonnie. We are gonna nail that snivelling bastard to the wall; I can promise you that. But you have to let _us_ do it. You can't go after him." He paused. "You're all that baby has in the world." He added. "Acadia needs you. You said you didn't want to let her down; so don't."

Feeling tears just pour from her eyes like a tap, Katie tried to nod, but the ache in her heart just made her want to cry harder, punch someone, scream at the top of her lungs. "He_ killed_ Bonnie, Elliot," She said through gritted teeth; grabbing Elliot's shirt in her fists and pulling herself into his body. "He killed my sister. I don't know how to live without her here."

"He's being arraigned this afternoon; he _will_ go away for the rest of his life." Elliot took Katie's face in his hands, running his thumbs just under her eyes to wipe away her tears. "I won't let him get anywhere near you or that baby ever again, do you understand me?"

Katie just nodded, and let him hug her until her tears were mere stains in the shoulder of his shirt.

**xxx**


	16. Chapter 16: Cry Until It's All Gone

_AN - Contains Bec's OC Matt Vaughn :):) _

**Chapter 16: ****Cry Until It's All Gone**

Katie drifted her way through much of Bonnie's funeral.

Acadia was still too fragile to leave the hospital, considering the crisp winter air outside; the doctors didn't want her out in it, which Katie understood. In some ways it worried her; she wanted Acadia to have a memory of her mother... but she was barely a week old; she wouldn't remember any of this. Katie, on the other hand, would remember everything.

One thing Katie was shocked by was the amount of people who came out to support her at the funeral. She expected Olivia, Elliot and Matt, even Matt's younger sister, Jordan, wasn't a surprise. Munch and Finn were, as was Captain Cragen, and George Wong, even Casey Novak, who Katie didn't have a lot of dealings with normally, but who had taken on Marcus's case to make sure he got everything that was coming to him. To see her dressed in a smart, form fitting black pantsuit made Katie double take.

Alexis was there, of course, at Katie's side the whole time. She'd curled her sun kissed blonde hair for the event, letting it cascade down her slim shoulders. Alexis normally had a natural smile to her face, even when she was upset, but today she was as glum as Katie had ever seen her; not that that made her lose focus. She was taking on the duties of thanking people for coming, answering questions, diverting them away from Katie so she didn't have to deal with anything.

It was a simple funeral. Paget sat beside Katie on her left - Alexis on the right - as they both farewelled their daughter and sister respectively. Despite her ailing health, Paget ignored all of her doctors to make the trip to Manhattan with her main home-nurse, Rachel. Paget wanted to see Acadia, of course, and had to endure the moment of pure joy at meeting the infant followed by burying her youngest daughter. Paget's hair had been greying steadily since the murder of her husband more than two decades before, and now as she watched a second member of her family buried because of the hands of another; the remaining auburn strands of hair seemed to grey on site.

Katie rose to speak when the priest asked for eulogies; but didn't have much to say. She didn't know what to say; she hadn't prepared anything because every time she tried to write her feelings down it just came out sounding stupid. In the end, she just made mention of the brutal way her sister was taken from the world, and the beauty of the daughter she left behind. She would miss her; always, and love her forever; almost echoing the words etched on Bonnie's gravestone.

After the ceremony, Paget began coughing in the winter air, her pneumonia flaring up again, and despite her protests, Rachel forced her into her car to drive her to hospital. She would be fine; she always was, hospital visits were common for Paget, hence why she had around the clock care at her home; but coming to Manhattan on such short notice had meant she couldn't be as prepared as she and Rachel would have liked.

Katie was glued to her seat as the line of mourners passed Bonnie's coffin, lying single white roses down on top of it; beside a family photo of Paget, her daughters and her late husband, Henry, before tragedy started befalling their lives; and another photo taken mere months before, between Bonnie's attacks from Marcus; when she was living with her sister; happy, pregnant, glowing... peaceful.

Katie waited until everyone else was gone before she stood up and took her rose to that photo of herself and Bonnie. She apologized again, telling her how beautiful her daughter was, and how she would grow up knowing what a strong woman her mother was, how her death was a final act of sacrifice to save her child's life.

Tearfully, Katie knelt down and pressed her lips against the coffin, whispering a final goodbye to her sister. "I love you." She added; glancing at the headstone once more before she tore her eyes from its sorrowful, granite words.

_Bonnie Jacquelyn_ _Summers  
1979-2004  
"She lifted my heart."  
Mother to Acadia  
Sister of Katie  
Daughter of Paget & Henry  
She will find comfort in the next life; if not in this one._

**xxx**

Katie arrived home, her head a blur. She wanted to go straight to the hospital to check on her mother and Acadia; but Alexis and Matt forced her into his car and drove her home; telling her she needed to sleep. She'd lost sight of Elliot after the funeral, but Olivia had had to take off quickly with a sudden case that had been called in, so she assumed Elliot was with her.

Jordan tagged along with her older brother, carrying the flowers and letters that had been left for Katie at the front desk of her apartment. She trailed behind Katie, who was bring walked to her door with Matt holding one arm and Alexis gripping the other.

Once inside the apartment, Jordan took her armfuls of gifts to the kitchen, while Alexis followed to make coffee, and Matt led Katie to her bedroom to lie down.

"I want to see Acadia, she'll be scared if I'm not there," Katie mumbled as she slumped onto her bed.

"You need to sleep." Matt said firmly, pulling back her quilt and pushing down her shoulders.

"How can I sleep?" Katie murmured. "Acadia can't sleep; she has no mother... she has no father... she's just a baby in a bed in a hospital full of babies in beds."

"She has you."

Katie chuckled humourlessly into her pillow. "Yes, me. She has me, a wailing Aunt with a desk job who slept with a married man. What a role model I am for her..."

Matt just sighed. "I'm not going to sit here and comfort you, Katie, and tell you how wrong you are, how harsh you are on yourself... there's no point. You know all that. You're wallowing. You lost your baby sister, and I can only imagine how awful that is for you... but you don't have a choice here. You have to keep going, for Acadia, for yourself... for Bonnie. You have to. And it's not fair that it falls on you, it's not fair that you're alone, but it's your life. You have to play the hand your dealt – don't roll your eyes – and get on with it." He leant over; kissed her forehead, and retreated to the kitchen.

Katie pretended to sleep when Alexis came to check on her, controlled her breathing when Matt and Jordan said goodbye so they wouldn't disturb her, and waiting ten minutes after she heard the front door close before she dared get to her feet again.

She had to get out of this god-awful black dress. Quickly showering to remove the tear-stained makeup from her face, Katie absent-mindedly got ready again in a pair of dark denim jeans, a faded NYU t-shirt she'd bought at a souvenir shop, and grabbed her thickest trench coat. Too tired and distracted to drive, Katie had her door man hail her a cab and soon she was walking through the entrance to the hospital.

Not sure whether to be happy or saddened that she knew the way to paediatrics without once having to stop and check, Katie was suddenly desperate to hold Acadia. That bond to her sister, she needed to feel it, especially today of all days. But when she got to the nursery, Acadia wasn't in her crib.

She was asleep in Elliot's arms, as he gently rocked her back and forth in the chair in the corner of the room.

Katie hovered by the door, not wanting to disturb her, or any of the other dozing infants nearby, and just watched Elliot, experienced father, comfort her niece. She thought of what Matt said to her before he left, about being alone in all of this... maybe he was wrong.

**xxx**


	17. Chapter 17: You'd Be Surprised

_AN - Contains Bec's OC Matt Vaughn :):) _

**Chapter 17: You'd Be Surprised  
**

Katie always knew that the day she came face to face with Kathy, Elliot's ex-wife, would be nothing short of utterly humiliating. But she was prepared for that. She was prepared for Kathy to insult her, call her a home wrecker or a whore, or whatever name that came to mind. She was even ready for a drink, or possibly a slap, right in the face.

She only hoped that it wouldn't happen on a day she looked and felt like crap. So of course, it did.

Acadia was home for good now. She was still small, size-wise, in comparison to the other babies in the nursery, but she was breathing on her own, didn't need any medication, and sleeping for a few hours at a time, at least she had at the hospital. Now home, Acadia cried; a lot. She cried to be fed, and then cried to be burped. She cried to be changed, and then wailed while Katie changed her diaper, every time she smiled, she just ended up crying.

Katie had been up all night with her cranky niece, hadn't had time to shower or even eat, her apartment was a mess, and she was still in her dressing gown. Acadia was fussing in her car seat; she was more comfortable in that than in her bouncer, sitting on the floor surrounded by toys and a half-eaten plate of toast that had been Katie's breakfast.

There was a knock at the door, and Katie thought it might be Alexis, who even after all their years of friendship still felt the need to rap her knuckles on the door instead of just letting herself in. She didn't think it was Elliot; he announced himself while knocking - a cop thing - so preparing to just see the face of her friend, Katie yanked open the front door without checking the peephole; immediately regretting that snap decision.

Kathy stood at her doorstep looking both beautiful and intimidating.

Katie had always thought Kathy was gorgeous; she had a classic beauty to her, shimmering light blonde hair that flowed halfway down her back, pale blue eyes, laugh lines, and a fantastic figure for a woman who had delivered four children. She oozed a natural, maternal glow that Katie immediately envied, moreso now that she had Acadia; and Katie was rendered mute when she saw the woman whose marriage she had broken up standing right before her eyes.

"Hello, Katie." Kathy said through a nervous, tight-lipped smile.

"Kathy..." Katie replied, not really sure what to say. Sorry for screwing your husband? She assumed that wouldn't go down well... "What are you doing here?"

"I heard about your sister." Kathy said, presenting a brown paper bag out to Katie. "I'm sorry."

Before Katie could even take the bag, Acadia started to scream. "Sorry," Katie dashed from the front door to find her niece wailing in her car seat, face red and little hands balled into angry fists. "Hey, Screamer, it's ok, it's ok," She knelt down and scooped Acadia up into her arms. "You're okay, little love, you're okay..."

"She's beautiful." Kathy had let herself into the apartment, and now stood just by the kitchen.

"Thank you," Katie answered, suddenly very self-conscious of her own, and her apartment's, appearance. "Forgive the mess; I don't have time to do anything..."

"She sounds a little colicky?" Kathy asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah; she is, but nothing I do helps," Katie vented tiredly. "I pick her up, she screams, I put her down, she screams, I feed her, she spits up and then screams..."

Kathy gave her a pitiful look and held out her arms. "Can I?"

Katie was hardly going to decline; and almost laughed with relief when she laid Acadia into Kathy's arms and she immediately quieted down. Kathy held her firmly but not too tight and swayed her back and forth on the spot; bouncing her as she did so. "This helped with the twins," she said as she jiggled Acadia. "The movement soothes them..."

"I tried that; it didn't work for me..."

"You're stressed." Kathy said with a simple shrug of her thin shoulders. "She feels that. If you're stressed, nothing will calm her down."

"So I'm making her unhappy..." Katie said, stifling a yawn. "Great."

"No one is natural at this," She said, settling the now calm baby down into her playpen, she gurgled contentedly. "Along the way you just figure it out."

"Why are you here?" Katie asked, sitting herself at the table. "Why now?"

"Oh, right," Kathy presented Katie the brown paper bag again. "It's just... when the twins were born, they were premature. This helped."

Out of the bag, Katie pulled a stack of CD's with titles like _Soothing Your Infant, Naptime Songs, _and_ Lullabies for Little Ones. _"Thank you."

"Is Elliot here?" She asked, stiffening as she spoke.

"No." Katie replied. "Look, Kathy, I'm so-"

"Don't." Kathy held up her hand. "I didn't come here for an apology, I didn't come here to build a bridge... what you did... what you _both_ did? Unforgiveable. It was weak, spineless and you should be ashamed of yourself."

"Did you come here just to berate me?"

"I came here... because despite what you and Elliot did... your sister was murdered. And now you have a baby." Her face softened. "None of that is your fault, and as much as I don't like you... I would not have wished this on you. And I wanted you to know that."

Katie bit her tongue to stop herself from replying. She was the bad guy in this situation; there was no way around it. Kathy being here was for herself. She was a kind woman, a loving mother, and to her this was proper social protocol in the wake of a tragic death. She was doing it to cleanse her own mind, so Katie wouldn't think she hated her so much that she was glad this happened. In one way, it was sweet. In another way, it was passive aggressively vicious.

"You didn't ruin my marriage." She continued. "Elliot and I have been together since we were teenagers... I guess, some things just... end." Smiling down at Acadia, Kathy caught Katie's eyes once more as she turned around. "She's very beautiful. I think you'll do fine with her."

Katie muttered a thank-you she wasn't sure Kathy heard, but that was probably for the best, because Acadia had fallen asleep.

**xxx**

Matt was headed to Australia, and it made Katie nervous because she had been relying on him heavily since she'd brought the baby home. He knew about this, this sudden shock to have to raise a child, it was the same with his own sister, Jordan. He'd had to raise her, and he was so good with Acadia; she adored him. Katie was always calmer with Matt was with her.

The day before Matt left, he stopped by Katie's once more, refusing her offer to take care of Jordan while he was gone. He would only be a week, and Katie was a walking insomniac with the baby right now.

"Why now?" Katie mumbled selfishly as she settled into her sofa chair with a hot coffee in her hands, Matt was sitting on the floor with Acadia in his lap, feeding her her afternoon bottle. "Why Australia, and why now? I mean I get the whole vacation thing; but...?"

"It's for a week, Katie," Matt reminded her. "I'll be back before you know it."

"I highly doubt that."

"Elliot comes back from Quantico tomorrow, doesn't he?"

Katie nodded; Elliot had been at the marine base for a week helping train some of the new recruits who were looking to get into the police force after their tours of duty ended. He'd sent her emails every day, and called her when he could, but it wasn't as good as having him there. He had four kids; he seemed to know immediately what Acadia wanted, like Matt. Everyone was better at it than she was.

"His wife came by."

"Kathy?" Matt's eyes widened. "Oh God, what did she do?"

"Nothing incriminating." Katie played with the end of her ponytail, sipping her coffee. "She was pissed... but she was... accepting, I guess. It was weird. It's weird to know she hates me. I mean, I don't care that she _does_ hate me, but... I dunno... it's just a weird thing to know." She shook her head, eager to change the subject; she didn't need to wallow in the guilt. "So, why Australia? Could you have picked a place further from New York?"

Matt didn't look at Katie; instead keeping his eyes on Acadia as she sleepily drank her formula. "You remember Jason? He worked homicide for awhile? We were..."

"Together, I know." Katie finished for him, the clandestine affair between two gay cops had been the talk of the precinct water coolers in the past, not that anyone would call Matt or Jason on it, as was the way of gossip; it was only interesting as long as it was all still conjecture.

"He used to hit me."

Katie almost choked on her coffee, and felt a wry smile tug at her lips. "What?" Matt was over six foot tall and took _very_ good care of his body; Katie couldn't imagine anyone hitting him.

"First time he thought I was flirting with this guy... he apologized... I forgave him... he got better at where he hit me. I stopped bringing him around to my place, I didn't want Jordan to know... but I think she did. Well, she knew something was wrong. And she saw him hit me once, rushed to protect me... and he almost slugged her. Right then and there I ended it."

"What...?" Katie was sure her insomnia was making her hear things; because this was completely bizarre news to her ears. "You're... you're both cops... how did... I mean... you work for Special Victims and you're telling me you _were_ a special victim?"

"I wasn't a victim, Katie."

She let it go; not wanting to fight. He was leaving tomorrow. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugged, finally looking at her. "I didn't feel like talking. It's not something I wanted broadcast... an SVU cop who lets his boyfriend beat the crap out of him? How could I come into work?"

Katie's brow was knotted tightly together, she remembered Jason being transferred from New York, and recalled that not a lot of people missed him, but since he wasn't in her precinct and she didn't know Matt that well at the time, she hadn't given it that much thought. It was only after Jason left that she and Matt had really bonded... which Katie could see making sense now. He was a coward.

"Anyway," Matt let out a huge sigh and set Acadia's bottle on the floor. "My parents always talked about going to Australia, and they never got to... I guess this is me going in their honour."

He got to his feet without waking Acadia, an act Katie was unable to harness as of yet. "I'm... sorry." She said uselessly, feeling numb as he set the baby in her arms and squatted before her.

"It's not your fault." He smiled and ran his hand over Acadia's darkening brown hair. "It's in the past, just a bad flashback now." He retrieved a note from his breast pocket and held it out between his fore and middle finger to Katie. "My flight info, in case Jordan calls asking about it. I left it for her but, y'know," He shrugged. "Leaving tomorrow on Oceanic 6-6-6, back in a week, in Oceanic 8-1-5."

"6-6-6?" Katie repeated with a raise of an eyebrow.

"Don't give me the bad luck spiel," He rolled his eyes, leant over and kissed both Acadia and Katie on the cheek. "I got enough of that from my sister. I'll see you in a week," He rose to his feet and headed for the door. "I'll bring you back a boomerang."

"Wow; don't you know what girls want." Katie replied sarcastically as she watched him leave.

"Well, I _am_ a ladies' man," He winked as he ducked out the front door. "Be good..."

Katie let her smile gradually fall from her lips, gently pressing them against Acadia's forehead eliciting a contented sigh from her. The apartment was quiet, and it was the most alone Katie had felt since the day Bonnie died.

**xxx**


	18. Chapter 18: Back To The Start

_AN – my first try of a songfic like this, the songs "The Start" and "Be In Want" by Meghan Tonjes were the inspiration for this chapter.  
In contrast to earlier chapters; this one takes place right back at the beginning, when Katie was first hired. Enjoy.  
Matt, as always, belongs to Bec. _

**Chapter 18: Back To The Start **

_"I knew it from the start."  
"You'd be the one to break my heart."_

Katie gathered her thoughts as she was finally left alone in the elevator. She was new to this whole police precinct thing, and not used to the crowds, especially swearing, spitting, shoving crowds that she'd had to push her way through to get to the elevator. First days were always hard, and even though she knew the job she had accepted was incredibly easy (and beneath her, by her mother's standards), it was still nerve-wracking.

On the level of the 16th precinct, Katie took a breath, straightened out her cream, silk blouse over her black Calvin Klein jeans and strode as confidently as she could into the office in front of her. Sadly, the heavily tattooed man who whistled at her as she walked by didn't incite a reaction from her since the same thing had happened three times already after she'd first entered the building.

An almost painfully beautiful woman approached Katie with a warm smile that seemed to clash with the pistol attached to her hip holster. Her tall, lean frame towered about a head over Katie, but clearly thinking she was in need of police help, the woman radiated a very friendly vibe. "Can I help you?" She asked.

"Hi, I'm Katie Summers, I'm supposed to start work here today. Receptionist. I'm looking for Captain Cragen?"

"Oh, hi," Her smile went from being sympathetic to a more natural grin. "I'm Olivia Benson," She shook her hand, pointing her towards the far right of the room. "Captain's office is there. Welcome."

"Liv! Got a possible 187 by the river, you good to go?"

_"I knew it from the start."  
"Watched it all fall apart."_

He turned and almost walked straight into Katie. As much as Olivia didn't exude what Katie thought of when she imagined a cop; this guy did. His piercing eyes were naturally intimidating; his muscled arms bore tattoos of time spent in the army or marines, and his general presence was quite menacing.

"Hi, I'm Katie." She extended her hand to him, noticing his eyes seemed to be obviously scanning-slash-judging her up and down without him bothering to hide it.

"Detective Stabler." He answered, gripping her hand firmly as he shook it. "Y'know if you're gonna work here you might wanna re-think your wardrobe?"

Katie was immediately taken aback; she knew her outfit was fine. "Excuse me?"

"This is the Special Victims Unit; we deal with a lot of sex offenders. You're not doing yourself any favours."

Katie plastered a smarmy grin on her face. "Well, it just so happens that I think I look nice." She said sweetly. "And as long as I have this body, I'll wear what I like."

The briefest of glares flashed across his eyes; and then he grinned without an ounce of friendliness. "Just a suggestion." He grabbed his coat of the back of his desk chair and walked towards Olivia; who was giving him a withering look.

"You might wanna re-think that tie." Katie murmured just loud enough for him to hear, and from the smirk on Olivia's face she knew he had. Steeling herself for an equally as unpleasant meeting with the Captain, Katie headed for his office.

_"Stupid Mouth, please shut up.  
You're not winning any wars.  
I'm the one who's left behind.  
Cleaning up the mess you cause."_

In stark contrast to Elliot Stabler – the Captain had informed Katie of the names of those she'd be working with – Donald Cragen, a balding man who was likely in his late forties but looked older, was a gallant gentleman who welcomed Katie to the precinct; and she was glad of it because if all the men turned out to be like Elliot; she was prepared to leave and never come back. Screw 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger', life was too short to keep a pointless, busy-work job with a bunch of sexists.

After showing her the messy desk that she would be working at, Captain Cragen introduced Katie to the handful of Detectives nearby before the ancient ringing of his office phone tore him away. He'd basically reiterated everything he had told Katie over the phone when he'd hired her; that she would be taking calls, making coffee, filing... unglamorous, but it was money. And she needed money, New York was far from cheap and even though she had inherited her apartment from her grandmother, that only took rent out of the financial equation. And with her little sister Bonnie not making the best choices in her rebellious life, Katie saw it necessary for one of the Summer's daughters to start saving.

"Dammit!"

A Detective whom Katie had been told was John Munch cursed repeatedly, mopping up a mess he'd made at the coffee station.

"You the coffee girl?" He asked when he saw her watching him.

"I'd prefer 'helpful, receptionist, girl,' but yeah," She replied, taking a tea towel from the handle on the cupboard and helping him clean.

"Well, can you fix this thing?" He looked ready to punch the coffee machine. "It hates me, every time I use it; it spits at me."

Like Elliot, John had that same 'cop-vibe', but in a much less intimidating manner. He'd obviously been working here for years; his face was drawn with thick stress lines creviced through his sagging skin. He looked as though, in his youth, he would have been intimidating, but not so much anymore.

"Stupid piece of crap." He snarled and slapped the side of the machine.

It was a piece of crap alright, ancient, but it was also extremely simple to operate, all the buttons were big and labelled. Katie didn't generally believe stereotypes about the older people in society not knowing how to use technology... but it seemed to fit John. "Well," She turned the dial on the machine that was flicked to _Pot_ and turned it to _Cup_. "There's your problem. It was set to fill a full pot, not a single cup." She took his NYPD mug and easily made him a cup of coffee. "See? Easy."

John gave her a thankful nod. "You're good."

"It's a coffee machine, not a bomb." Katie pointed out.

"I like you." John resolved.

"Ditto." Katie replied with a grin, sorting out the coffee machine so it was ready to make a full pot. "You're taking that totally leaded?" She raised her eyebrows as he downed half the highly-caffeinated drink in a few mouthfuls, the temperature didn't even seem to faze him.

"Only way to drink it with this job, cheers," He dipped his head to her and went to his desk.

Katie did the same, although her own desk was an utter disaster, and she could tell her first day was going to be spent organizing and throwing crap out. Wonderful.

_"Fool me once and shame on you,  
Fool me twice its what you'll do.  
Two steps forward  
Now I'm taking ten more back."_

"Hey, Katie? Are you good with kids?" Olivia said as she handed a whimpering toddler over her desk into Katie's lap without waiting for an answer.

Katie loved kids, but it was hit and miss on whether they liked her or not. "Wait, what?"

"His father's a suspect in his mother's murder," Olivia explained, setting a diaper bag up on top of her recently cleaned letter-tray. "We're interviewing him now; CPS can't pick up the boy until tomorrow."

Katie watched her join Elliot, who was leading a struggling man in handcuffs to one of the back interview rooms. She couldn't tell who looked more threatening – Elliot or the criminal. "For how long?"

"As long as it takes, thanks!" Olivia said in a rushed breath as she disappeared behind her partner.

The fussing little boy cried out, stuffed his fist in his mouth and squirmed to get off Katie's lap. "Ok, this should be easy, right..." She lifted the toddler up onto her desk and had him face her. He was chubby with pale skin and watering brown eyes. His hair was an utter mess of black curls, and his clothes – a blue pair of overalls with a white and yellow striped shirt underneath – were dirty, and he smelled. "Step one... change you..."

_"We will never be.  
No one here would disagree."_

The toddler, who Katie nicknamed Teddy because he had pictures of teddy bears on his diaper bag, was much happier after he was out of his dirty clothes. He didn't have a spare outfit so Katie had rummaged through the Lost&Found and located a yellow t-shirt with a smiley face on it that was probably for a ten-year old, so it hung off the side of Teddy's shoulder; but it was clean.

It had been three hours since Elliot and Olivia started interviewing Teddy's father, and Katie was on her lunch break, although it was hardly a break since she had Teddy in her lap the whole time. "Teddy, come on, here," She fed him some of her blueberry muffin; but he was happier just crushing it to crumbs. "I wanted to eat that, y'know."

"Do you need a hand?" A warm-smiling, handsome young man offered Katie as he took the spare seat across from her. "I could watch him while you eat."

"Oh, great, thanks." Katie shifted Teddy to the stranger's hand, noticing the badge around his neck. "He's driving me nuts."

"He's cute; how old?"

"No idea." Katie shrugged. "He's not mine." She briefly explained the situation upstairs with his father. "It's not part of my job description; but then again I was told I'd have to adapt..."

"If it helps, I totally mistook you for mother."

Katie smiled appreciatively. "Thanks... but no, it doesn't really help."

He laughed. "I'm Detective Matt Vaughn."

"Katie. Good to meet you..."

_"We will never be.  
You don't have to make a scene."_

Katie was quick to learn that she wasn't going to have a regular nine to five job, even working as a lowly receptionist. It was almost seven in the evening and she was still nursing Teddy, and, from what she could observe, this was just a normal day's work.

Cragen did mention to her that she could leave, but when she handed Teddy over to John, he wailed. It was just easier for her to stay so he'd be quiet. And Cragen said she'd get overtime.

The children's interview room was where Katie set up to look after Teddy; it was used for when the detectives had to have one-on-one chats with minors, and it was full of colourful toys, bean bag chairs and a drawing station. Teddy, in just his diaper and borrowed tee, was making a mess with a bucket of blocks, while Katie, crammed into the child's seat at the little table, finished off another cup of coffee. Certainly was a memorable first day. She'd met nice people, assholes, and already taken care of a young victim... she even figured out that he was incredibly ticklish behind his ears, letting out giddy squeals every time she came at him with wriggling fingers.

Annoyed with the painful chair, Katie relocated to one of the bean bags, a bright red one, and let out a relaxed breath as she did, closing her eyes for just a moment. When she opened them, Teddy was standing in front of her holding a battered copy of _Goodnight, Moon_ in his hand, looking at her expectantly. "Oh, ok," Katie sat up and pulled the toddler into her lap, he opened the book himself and slapped the first page with an open palm. "Ok... _In the great green room, there was a telephone, and a red balloon, and a picture of the cow jumping over the moon_..."

As she read, she felt Teddy's body sag against her chest as he slowly fell to sleep, and as he dozed off, Katie let her own eyelids close. "_Good night, stars. Good night, air. Good night, noises everywhere."_

_"And take your time, I know you will.  
Leave me behind, to stay right here."_

A gentle shake of her shoulder awoke Katie from her comfortable sleep. It took her a second to remember she was still in the bean bag, Teddy asleep in her arms, and surprisingly to her, it was Detective Stabler who knelt before her. "You should go home." He said quietly.

"Are they here to take him?" Katie asked, noticing but not minding that Teddy was drooling on her.

"No, no, it's four AM, they won't be here 'til nine. I can stay with him."

Katie chewed her bottom lip. It would take a half hour to get home, she'd need to shower, and she wouldn't fall asleep right away, and she'd have to be back at work at nine... not to mention if Teddy woke up he'd throw a fit. "Is it okay if I just stay here?"

Elliot raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, I just... figured you'd wanna get out of here."

There was that _tone_ again, that's what it was that annoyed Katie about him. The way he spoke to her; like he believed she would rather be anywhere else. "What is your problem?" She asked quietly. "Was the girl I replaced so awful that you think I'd be the same way? Or do you think I'm just unnecessary for your important, police work?" She tried to mimic his demeaning tone.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't. Y'know I expected everyone I met today to be like you. Angry, hard, menacing... fact is you are the _only_ person I've met today who's been like that. You might think what I'm going to do here is easy, and maybe it is compared to what you do, but it doesn't mean that I'm not going to be good at it."

Elliot pursed his lips together. "You done?"

Katie settled back in the bean bag. "Yeah."

"Have a good night."

_That tone!_

_"Stupid Boy, please shut up  
Oh, these words mean nothing now."_

An hour later and dying for the bathroom, Katie managed to shift Teddy off her lap and onto the bean bag by himself so she could duck off to the restroom, but when she was washing her hands she heard his ear-splitting cry.

_"Dadd-eeeeee!_"

Katie dashed back to the interview room to see Teddy wandering around, holding his ear, wailing, looking terrified and lost. "Hey, it's ok." She plucked him up off the ground. "I'm sorry; I didn't think you'd wake up..." Teddy just kept crying. Katie felt guilty; the poor boy had woken up _alone_ in a strange room in the dark, course he was scared. And he wouldn't calm down. Katie held him in the crook of her arm and rocked him back and forth, humming a random song, but he was just inconsolable.

Thinking a walk might calm him, Katie took him out into the main floor of the precinct; but that just made him cry harder. More foreign shadows and an even bigger space... he needed to be somewhere small; somewhere contained, she needed to bring his world inwards.

"Okay, okay..." She rushed throughout the precinct looking for a dark corner or a desk they could hide under, but nothing made Teddy quiet down. She entered a room full of filing cabinets that were set out kind of like a maze, and took Teddy right to the back of the room. There was a ledge holding a desk lamp and some discarded plastic coffee mugs, and underneath that is where Katie sat, held Teddy in her lap. She clicked off the light at the wall switch, clouding the whole room in darkness, and Teddy immediately quieted.

If she'd been thinking more clearly, she would have grabbed his diaper bag or her cell phone or something; but all she had was Teddy, and he was now just fussing, not crying, so she didn't dare get up. Instead; she recalled the final lines of _Goodnight, Moon, _and repeated them over and over in a quiet voice patting Teddy on his back until he went to sleep.

"_Good night, stars. Good night, air. Goodnight noises, everywhere..."_

Katie had never been woken up with a slap in the face before, but that's how Teddy woke her later that morning. She was curled up in a corner of the filing cabinet room, still under the ledge, and Teddy was standing in front of her poking at her face with his chubby hand, smiling and drooling.

"Good morning to you to." Katie smiled, checking her watch. It was almost ten am. "Mother-fu... fudge." She cursed, scrambling out from under the ledge. "Is it possible to be late for work when I'm at work?" She asked Teddy as she settled him on her hip, holding him with one hand as she tried to settle her hair down with the other. Her hair was straight blonde, but still managed to kick up a storm in her sleep.

She could hear the bustling of the bullpen the moment she opened the filing cabinet room door. There were policeman yelling into phones, Detectives barking orders, and lost looking people running around.

Teddy clutched Katie's shirts in his little fists; she could tell he was anxious. She spotted Olivia with her back turned. "Olivia?"

The gorgeous detective whirled around, eyed her, then Teddy, and then sighed with relief into her cell phone, nestled between her shoulder and her ear and hidden under her hair. "Never mind," She said closing her eyes. "We found them."

A ball of nerves rolled in Katie's stomach. Had they been looking for her? She'd been here all night. "What happened?"

"Where we you?" Olivia asked seriously. "We've been looking for you for hours; CFS is already here."

"I was in the back..." Katie said, explaining what had happened the night before, with Teddy being scared of the room. "That was the only place he was quiet."

"Why didn't you tell someone?" Cragen, and half the officers nearby, were now staring at her and listening to her explanation. "Why didn't you answer your phone? We sent uniforms to your apartment."

"What, did you think I'd run off with him?" Katie said, expecting a laugh, but all she got were tight, expressionless eyes looking back at her. "Oh, God, you thought I'd run off with him?"

"It happens." Olivia said, obviously annoyed at the nonchalance in her own voice.

"I'm sorry... I just thought... if I could keep him quiet; get him back to sleep, and then I'd bring him back to the interview room..." She felt sheepish. "I guess I fell asleep, too."

"CFS is in my office," Cragen said. "Hand him over, then go home and get some rest, okay?"

"Am I fired?"

"No, just... next time, leave a note or something?" Cragen half-smiled at her.

"I will... sorry..." Eager to get away from the public humiliation, Katie ducked into Cragen's office to see a uniformed police officer standing with a sweet looking middle-aged woman with half-glasses who was making some notes on a clipboard.

"Oh, this must be Dillan." She said, seeing the child and immediately putting her things aside.

"Dill-?" Katie scrunched her eyebrows together. "Oh, yeah, I, ah, was calling him Teddy..." She noticed the diaper bag and all Teddy's things were on the chair beside the uniformed officer, including the battered copy of _Goodnight, Moon_. "Where do you take him?"

"He has an Aunt in Poughkeepsie," The woman said. "She'll meet us at the Child Services building." She reached out for Teddy.

"So he won't have to go to a group home or anything like that?"

The woman shook her head. "No; he'll be with family... may I?" She extended her arms out for Teddy even more.

"Oh, right..." Katie swivelled Teddy on her hip so she could face him. "You be a good little man, okay? Don't ever find yourself in a police station again." She kissed his chubby little cheek and handed him over to the CFS woman. The office beside her picked up the diaper bag and her clipboard, and they promptly began to exit the office, just like that. Teddy looked over the woman's shoulder at Katie, his eyes wide and confused. When Cragen's door shut she heard him start to cry.

_"It's getting hard to breathe  
hard to be here alone without you.  
When every part of me is crying out  
Oh you know I want you."_

Katie didn't go home like Cragen suggested, instead she made herself a cup of coffee and headed into the crib, a room full of old bunk beds and rollaway mattresses. She picked the one in the furthest corner around a bend in the wall; so hopefully no one would bother her. She sat her cup of coffee on the windowsill; put off slightly by the thick wiring criss-crossing across the window pane and the thick glass behind that. On her little bed in this little corner with bars on her window, Katie felt a little like she was in jail.

"What's going on?"

Katie sniffled and wiped her eyes, tired and missing the little man she'd only known for less than a day, she supposed tears were imminent; she just wished it was anyone buy Stabler who was witnessing them. "Nothing. Just tired. Up all night with that kid; and everyone thought I kidnapped him. I assume you did, too. I don't blame you all, really, I guess that's what a cop's mind goes to, even though I did nothing wrong. In fact I did everything right."

"I know."

"I took care of him, more care of him than was expected of me... wait, what do you mean, 'you know'?"

"I think you did the right thing. I woulda done the same thing."

That tone was gone... but Katie was still completely thrown off by him. He got to his feet and started to leave, but then came back. "I'm sorry... about before." He said through tight lips. "You must think I'm an asshole-"

Katie nodded. "I do."

"-and I'd like to tell you it's just the job... but Liv likes you, John likes you, Cragen likes you... you're not the problem."

"I know that."

Elliot smirked. "You're a smartass."

Katie smirked back. "I know that, too."

A brief flash of laughter glanced across his face. "Welcome to SVU." He said as he walked off.

"Thank you." Katie replied, staring back out the window. Her mind was whirling around a mile a minute. If this was her first day; what the hell was in store for her?

_"When everyone can see you're watching me,  
Waiting for the next move."_


	19. Chapter 19: Since Then

_AN – Matt, as always, belongs to Bec, and he is a Lost OC so we'll crossover with some Lost events in this chapter. _

**Chapter 19: Since Then**

"_Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Acadia! Happy birthday to you_!"

"Yay!" Katie jiggled Acadia in her lap as she stared at the flame bobbing up and down on the number 1 candle atop a simple vanilla frosted butter cake.

"Blow out the candles," Kathleen said, reaching over her father to tickle Acadia under the chin.

"No," Elliot held his hand between Acadia and the candle. "If she's anything like you she'll try and put her mouth over the flame."

"I was that stupid?" Kathleen said sceptically.

"You wouldn't believe the things you did." Elliot said with a smirk.

"Har-har." Kathleen got up from the table. "I'll get some plates."

"I'll help you." Matt said, forcing a smile onto his face as he followed Kathleen into the kitchen, his younger sister, Jordan, trotting after him.

"How is he?" Elliot asked in a low voice, blowing out Acadia's candle for her so she could happily smash her fists into the cake.

"Okay, I think..." Katie said with a sigh.

It had been almost a year since Matt's return flight from Sydney had crashed over the Atlantic. Months later they had found six survivors; Matt wasn't one of them, but he had been found days' later floating on what the newspapers said was airplane wreckage. He was hospitalized for awhile for exhaustion and dehydration, admitted to the same hospital where Bonnie died and Acadia was born; so visiting was always anxious for Katie; but she drove Jordan to see him whenever she wanted.

Now, Matt was better, he was in a strong relationship with a doctor, Jack, one of the six Oceanic survivors, whom had also cared for him while he was in hospital; but Jordan confided in Katie that sometimes he woke up screaming. He was also back at work; and baby-sat Acadia. Sometimes he had moments where he looked like someone else, the trauma of everything clouding in his eyes, but then he would smile and that cloud would drift away.

Katie, already mourning Bonnie had to somehow cry for the loss of her friend when the plane went down as well as raise Acadia without her thinking that tears were the way to get through the day. She'd been running on empty since Bonnie's death, so to add Matt's assumed demise on top of that almost drained her. Acadia got her through it; and then came that day where they found the _"Extra Survivor from 815_", and Katie had seen Matt's face, his police badge photo, flash onto her kitchen television screen. She'd dropped Elliot's morning coffee right on the floor.

A lot happened in that year, losing Bonnie and Matt, getting Acadia, her relationship with Elliot, Matt coming home; a lot of major events, more than she felt one person deserved clustered together in twelve months. She and Elliot were openly together with their relationship now and happy; but things hadn't been easy. Elliot had four children with his ex-wife Kathy, and Kathleen, his second eldest daughter, was the only one who really seemed to like Katie. His eldest, Maureen, was firmly on his mother's side and refused to see Katie, and the twins, Dickie and Lizzie, had fun with her and adored Acadia when they came to visit, but they definitely made a point of not approving of their father's new relationship. Katie had expected hate from all four children, so to actually have one on her side and two tolerating her felt like a bonus.

The twins were on a school trip for the week, and couldn't make Acadia's birthday party, and Maureen had flat out refused, but Kathleen had come over to help Katie set up, and when Matt and Jordan arrived, Maureen and Jordan got along immediately. Jordan was so happy to have her brother back; the light in her eyes had returned, Katie hadn't known she could look so happy.

"Did you make a wish?" Katie asked Acadia, kissing her mess of dark brown curls. It was Bonnie's hair colour, but the curls she got from Katie who had been curly-haired up until her teens. "Did you wish for a big hug?" She cuddled her niece to her chest making her giggle.

The phone interrupted the party. "I'll get it," Elliot pushed back his chair to answer it.

"No; you take this," She planted Acadia in Elliot's arms, and she promptly clapped her hands together, making frosting and cake splatter over his fitted grey t-shirt. "Enjoy."

Her mother was on the phone; wanting to talk to Acadia, so Katie handed the phone to Elliot and went to the kitchen to see Maureen and Jordan playing with a bunch of balloons with _You're 1! _and _Birthday Girl!_ stamped on them in silvery ribbon. Matt was unwrapping a pack of paper plates.

"You two; make yourselves useful," He handed the plates to Jordan and a handful of spoons to Kathleen. "Go eat cake; we'll make coffee."

"Make sure Katie makes it," Jordan said, playfully nudging Kathleen along. "She _is_ the coffee bitch."

"Language!" Katie and Matt said in unison, to which Jordan just cheekily smirked and followed Kathleen back to Elliot and the birthday girl.

"Uh, I've had to cut back on my swearing since Acadia's getting older," Katie said, flicking on the tea kettle. "I'm worried she'll start repeating everything..." She smiled; but stopped herself after a moment. Acadia learning to talk had brought up a brand new problem that Katie had been hoping to avoid for... well, forever.

"What's that face?" Matt asked, scrutinizing her as he set some mugs on the counter. "What's up?"

"Acadia... called me Mama."

Matt grinned. "That's great!" Then his face fell as the reality set in, just as it had for Katie. "Oh..."

"_Bonnie's_ her mother; not me. I'm _Aunt_ Katie. But she's _one year old_, she can't understand the difference. What do I tell her when she calls me Mama? "_No_."? And I can't tell her Bonnie's dead..." Katie had opened the wound; and now her heart was pouring out of her mouth. "I don't know if I could _ever_ tell her that... what child wants to hear that their father killed their mother? So is it better that she thinks I'm her mother and I just never tell her? She'd be pissed that I'd been lying to her for her whole life! It's not like I'm the _only one_ who knows about Bonnie, hell it's on _criminal_ record, as are the papers that identify me as her legal guardian. _Not_ her mother, her _guardian_. And she-"

"Stop." Matt put his hands on Katie's shoulders. "Just stop."

"I can't." Katie said, sniffling and blinking back hot tears.

"What does Elliot think?"

"I haven't told him yet; she only said it yesterday."

Matt looked pleased. "I get to know before the boyfriend? Point for me."

Katie wasn't smiling. "What do I do?"

"Katie..." Matt sucked in a breath. "There's no rule book on this... I had to raise Jordan. And it's hard, and it's not fair. My parents _should_ be alive to raise her; she deserves to have a mother and father; just like Acadia." He bit his lip. "But life sucks. And this is coming from a guy who survived a plane crash so you know it's true."

"But Jordan knew-"

"It doesn't matter. You have to think about what's real. And what's real is that because of some cruel, sadistic asshole, you don't have a sister and her daughter doesn't have a mother. What's real is that she has you... and you _are_ her mother. Title or no, you're her everything."

Katie shook her head. "I don't want her to _not _know who Bonnie is." She admitted quietly.

"Then make her a part of her life. Tell her all about her, everyday. Tell her that her mummy went to heaven, but that she was left with you because you two are supposed to be together."

A final tear fell down Katie's cheek and caught in the crease of her smile. "How can you come out of a plane crash and still be this good to me?"

Matt pretended to look put out. "You're my girl." He said with a shrug, wrapping his arms around her in a warm, enveloping hug.

Katie pressed her cheek against his chest; she was a good one and half head shorter than Matt, so his hugs always warmed her from the inside out.

Her year had been horrific when she wrote out the bullet points... well, the negative bullet points. But there were good ones, too. All of Acadia's firsts (rolling over, sitting up, solid foods, laugh, outing to the zoo), her relationship with Elliot, getting Matt back and Jordan to her normal self...if Katie singled them out and ignored the horrific moments; then year hadn't been too bad at all.

**xxx**


End file.
